Thursday, September 23, 2004

Viva Italia!

CHRISTENDOM--September 18. Reports are mixed concerning the chaotic events of Italian Night. Drawing on eyewitness reports, the authorities said Sunday that they had no idea what happened.

The night was black and moonless. The intense cold could be combatted only by alcohol and vigourous dancing--and yet the wildness of the party was entirely out of proportion to the strength and amount of the Burgundy.

Celebrities were common to the celebration.


The music --this part has been censored for decency. (Editor). The article continues--

Around eleven o'clock, the radical right-wing element of the College, that is, the freshmen, in an act of civil disobedience, began to dance the Virginia Reel. This was the stateliest dance done all night. After a long struggle, the freshmen were granted official recognition with the playing of "The Girl From Belfast City."

Speaking of Belfast, the Irish Mafia, as has been noted elsewhere, made an appearance. The Big Boss (whose name we are not at liberty to reveal) was dressed entirely in clothing collected from unfortunates his associate, Jeeves, and recently knocked off.

The photographers

(The police have advised that any people who own copies of pictures of the Boss taken on Italian Night should destroy all copies and negatives. This is for their own safety.)

It may not have been a good idea to dance outside, around the fountain. It was certainly not a good idea to dance in the fountain.

In the morning, those few students still in possession of their faculties stumbled out and stood blinking at the strange sight that met their bleared eyes. The fountain did not actually gush sweet wine, but it did gush soapsuds. The lions foamed at the mouth. Piles of bubbles spilled over the rim.

Craziness was the order of the evening. Here a student models a fancy tablecloth.

Upon inpection, two dirty, unmatched socks were found in the fountain. This led to the theory that Italian Night had only been a laundry party. This conclusion, however, is not supported by the evidence, both in eyewitness reports and in actual footage.

The authorities are diligently invesitigating this matter. Pending a solution to the mystery, the fountain has been drained. Also, private detectives are asked to leave the situation in the hands of the authorites, and refrain from "tailing" young ladies around campus in unmarked cars.

2 Comments:

Blogger Milkingmommy said...

Scary!

September 23, 2004 3:03 PM  
Blogger orapronobis7 said...

The Virginia Reel, the Irish Mafia, unmatched socks, and bubbles...why am I not surprised? Having trouble adjusting, eh?
~8'}<

September 23, 2004 9:49 PM  

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