Sing a Song of Roland . . . .
Okay, folks, here we have the long-awaited, highly-acclaimed, did-not-get-us-any-extra-credit-with-Dr.-Shannon-but-he-still-found-them-funny SONGS OF ROLAND!
(Disclaimer: they make a lot more sense if you've actually read The Song of Roland or at least a synopsis from Cliff's Notes or the like.)
The Battle of Roland’s Horn
To the Tune of: The Battle of New Orleans
In 778, we went with Charlemagne
Along with good ol’ Roland down to Islamic Spain
We took a couple blades and we took a couple spears
And we fought the bloody Muslims and really boxed their ears.
He blew that horn and the Muslims kept a-commin’
There wasn’t quite as many as there was a while ago
He blew once more and they began a-runnin’
O’er Gibralter Rock and down to Morocco!
We looked down the pass and we see the Paynims come
And there musta been thousands of them beatin’ on the drum
They rode so fast and they made their trumpets ring
Roland stood and watched the sight and didn’t say a thing
He blew that horn and the Muslims kept a-commin’
There wasn’t quite as many as there was a while ago
He blew once more and they began a-runnin’
O’er Gibralter Rock and down to Morocco!
The Muslims thought they could take us by surprise
But blowin’ their trumpets just wasn’t very wise.
Roland held off ‘till we saw their faces well
Then they broke into a charge and they really gave us . . . Well!
He blew that horn and the Muslims kept a-commin’
There wasn’t quite as many as there was a while ago
He blew once more and they began a-runnin’
O’er Gibralter Rock and down to Morocco!
We used our lances till the handles splintered down
Then we grabbed our trusty swords and we hewed them to the ground
We hacked off all their limbs and we shattered all their spines
Then Roland blew his Olifant and really lost his mind
He blew that horn and the Muslims kept a-commin’
There wasn’t quite as many as there was a while ago
He blew once more and they began a-runnin’
O’er Gibralter Rock and down to Morocco!
Charlemagne came after Roland hit the ground
He thought he’d have some fun when he heard the trumpet sound
He routed all the Muslims, he made them run away
The army had survived to retreat another day.
He blew that horn and the Muslims kept a-commin’
There wasn’t quite as many as there was a while ago
He blew once more and they began a-runnin’
O’er Gibralter Rock and down to Morocco!
---
Death Can Be Depressing (If You’re the One Who’s Dead)
To the Tune of: Gaston (from Disney’s The Beauty and the Beast)
(Roland)
Who does that Marsilion think he is? That Muslim has tangled with the wrong man! No one tries to ambush Roland!
(Oliver)
Heh heh. Darn right!
(Roland)
Defeated! Killed! Publicly humiliated! Why, it’s more than I can bear.
(Oliver)
More beer?
(Roland)
What for? Nothing helps. I’m defeated.
(Oliver)
Who, you? Never! Roland, you’ve got to pull yourself together.
Gosh it disturbs me to see you Roland
Looking so down in the dumps
Every guy here’d love to be you, Roland
Even when taking your lumps . . .
(NOT!)
There’s no man in France as admired as you
You’re everyone’s favorite guy
Everyone’s awed and inspired by you
(But sometimes it’s just hard to see why)
No one’s proud as Roland
No one’s cowed like Roland
No one’s horn’s as incredibly loud as Roland.
Why there’s no one in Spain half as manly
Perfect, a pure paragon
You can ask any Tom, Dick or Stanley
And they’ll tell you whose team they prefer to be on . . .
(NOT!)
(Soldiers)
No one’s charred like Roland
Sung by bards like Roland
(Oliver)
No one’s lost their entire rear-guard like Roland
(Roland)
In command yes it’s true I’m intimidating
(Soldiers)
My what a guy, Roland!
The blood it drips,
The grass is red
(Oliver)
Roland’s still alive But the rest are all dead!
(Soldiers)
No one fights like Roland
No one bites like Roland
(Oliver)
No one takes quite so long for his death as Roland
For there’s no one as burly and brawny
(Roland)
As you see I’ve got biceps to spare
(Oliver)
Not a bit of him’s scraggly or scrawny
(Roland)
That’s right!
(Oliver)
(Except for that place that is under his hair...)
(Soldiers)
No one rates like Roland
Crushes pates like Roland
(Oliver)
No one chops off heads of Paynims like Roland!
(Roland)
I’m especially good at decapitating
*slash!*
(Soldiers)
Ten kills for Roland!
(Roland)
When I was a lad I trained for command
To me it seemed quite a bother
And now that I’m grown I plot for my revenge
Against my dear old stepfather
(Soldiers)
No one slays like Roland
No one stays like Roland
(Oliver)
No one faints in quite so many ways as Roland
(Roland)
I use Paynims in all of my decorating
(Soldiers)
Say it again
RO - LAND!!!
(Disclaimer: they make a lot more sense if you've actually read The Song of Roland or at least a synopsis from Cliff's Notes or the like.)
The Battle of Roland’s Horn
To the Tune of: The Battle of New Orleans
In 778, we went with Charlemagne
Along with good ol’ Roland down to Islamic Spain
We took a couple blades and we took a couple spears
And we fought the bloody Muslims and really boxed their ears.
He blew that horn and the Muslims kept a-commin’
There wasn’t quite as many as there was a while ago
He blew once more and they began a-runnin’
O’er Gibralter Rock and down to Morocco!
We looked down the pass and we see the Paynims come
And there musta been thousands of them beatin’ on the drum
They rode so fast and they made their trumpets ring
Roland stood and watched the sight and didn’t say a thing
He blew that horn and the Muslims kept a-commin’
There wasn’t quite as many as there was a while ago
He blew once more and they began a-runnin’
O’er Gibralter Rock and down to Morocco!
The Muslims thought they could take us by surprise
But blowin’ their trumpets just wasn’t very wise.
Roland held off ‘till we saw their faces well
Then they broke into a charge and they really gave us . . . Well!
He blew that horn and the Muslims kept a-commin’
There wasn’t quite as many as there was a while ago
He blew once more and they began a-runnin’
O’er Gibralter Rock and down to Morocco!
We used our lances till the handles splintered down
Then we grabbed our trusty swords and we hewed them to the ground
We hacked off all their limbs and we shattered all their spines
Then Roland blew his Olifant and really lost his mind
He blew that horn and the Muslims kept a-commin’
There wasn’t quite as many as there was a while ago
He blew once more and they began a-runnin’
O’er Gibralter Rock and down to Morocco!
Charlemagne came after Roland hit the ground
He thought he’d have some fun when he heard the trumpet sound
He routed all the Muslims, he made them run away
The army had survived to retreat another day.
He blew that horn and the Muslims kept a-commin’
There wasn’t quite as many as there was a while ago
He blew once more and they began a-runnin’
O’er Gibralter Rock and down to Morocco!
---
Death Can Be Depressing (If You’re the One Who’s Dead)
To the Tune of: Gaston (from Disney’s The Beauty and the Beast)
(Roland)
Who does that Marsilion think he is? That Muslim has tangled with the wrong man! No one tries to ambush Roland!
(Oliver)
Heh heh. Darn right!
(Roland)
Defeated! Killed! Publicly humiliated! Why, it’s more than I can bear.
(Oliver)
More beer?
(Roland)
What for? Nothing helps. I’m defeated.
(Oliver)
Who, you? Never! Roland, you’ve got to pull yourself together.
Gosh it disturbs me to see you Roland
Looking so down in the dumps
Every guy here’d love to be you, Roland
Even when taking your lumps . . .
(NOT!)
There’s no man in France as admired as you
You’re everyone’s favorite guy
Everyone’s awed and inspired by you
(But sometimes it’s just hard to see why)
No one’s proud as Roland
No one’s cowed like Roland
No one’s horn’s as incredibly loud as Roland.
Why there’s no one in Spain half as manly
Perfect, a pure paragon
You can ask any Tom, Dick or Stanley
And they’ll tell you whose team they prefer to be on . . .
(NOT!)
(Soldiers)
No one’s charred like Roland
Sung by bards like Roland
(Oliver)
No one’s lost their entire rear-guard like Roland
(Roland)
In command yes it’s true I’m intimidating
(Soldiers)
My what a guy, Roland!
The blood it drips,
The grass is red
(Oliver)
Roland’s still alive But the rest are all dead!
(Soldiers)
No one fights like Roland
No one bites like Roland
(Oliver)
No one takes quite so long for his death as Roland
For there’s no one as burly and brawny
(Roland)
As you see I’ve got biceps to spare
(Oliver)
Not a bit of him’s scraggly or scrawny
(Roland)
That’s right!
(Oliver)
(Except for that place that is under his hair...)
(Soldiers)
No one rates like Roland
Crushes pates like Roland
(Oliver)
No one chops off heads of Paynims like Roland!
(Roland)
I’m especially good at decapitating
*slash!*
(Soldiers)
Ten kills for Roland!
(Roland)
When I was a lad I trained for command
To me it seemed quite a bother
And now that I’m grown I plot for my revenge
Against my dear old stepfather
(Soldiers)
No one slays like Roland
No one stays like Roland
(Oliver)
No one faints in quite so many ways as Roland
(Roland)
I use Paynims in all of my decorating
(Soldiers)
Say it again
RO - LAND!!!
posted by Matthew Bowman at 3:30 AM
6 Comments:
Those were hilarious!
Okay that was GOOD. Now I'm actually going to have to read about the guy.
Here's a character list:
http://www.gradesaver.com/ClassicNotes/Titles/roland/charlist.html
Follow the links for a summary (long or short, your choice) or even the whole thing. Of course, the translation we used was by Dorothy Sayers, and therefore much higher quality than this -- but it ain't bad, and hey, the price is good.
Yes, Dorothy Sayers is an excellent author/translator. Thanks for the link!
BRILLIANT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
::finds some more creative ways to swoon::
Wow. If that didn't get you extra credit, I can't imagine what would.
(Incidentally, I speak as one who grew up in New Orleans, where everybody learns that song from the time he starts teething; I'm duly impressed.)
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