Fiddleback Fever (Defunct)

Farewell Address

2006-02-27T12:00:00.000-05:00

Hello, everybody. It is after much thought and deliberation that I have made the decision to close down Fiddleback Fever. We've been at it for a year and a half now, and it's been fun. Also, it's been wildly successful. I never dreamed Fiddleback would grow this large or garner over 21,000 hits. I never even really expected it to last more than a couple of months. However, I think that Fiddleback has run its course, and the time has come to let it rest. Fiddleback's scope has grown too large for a couple of people to run, and most of our contributors are focusing on their own blogs. Fiddleback was a group thing from the beginning, and it's time for me to move out on my own. I'm starting another blog, this time with a more personal focus.

I'll never forget Fiddleback Fever. It forged quite a few friendships for us, and gave us a sort of notoriety at Christendom. So much has gone into Fiddleback that I have decided to leave Fiddleback up for reference to the Cow Pope and other gems of traditional Catholic brilliance from bored minds. It's time for each of us to officially go our seperate ways online. Fiddleback has lived out its lifespan in scope, nature and in its usefullness for friendship. The friendships are now transcending the tool that brought them together.

I thank all those who have contributed to Fiddleback Fever, you will always be part of the Fiddleback team. I also thank those who have read our thoughts so vicariously over the past eighteen months. Please be kind to Fiddleback's memory.

Here is a list of the blogs and other internet places of Fiddleback Fever's contributors:

John: This Red Rock
Meredith: Basia Me Catholica Sum
Rob: [No Blog]
Sheila: Enchiridion
R.T. Sender: [No Blog]
Charlemagne: Charlemagne's Palace
Bowman the Black: Christendom Commons
Fidelio: Midnight Radio

Well, in all honesty, that's all folks. I hope you don't mind me being so abrupt, but I have been thinking about this for about a month now. I really feel this is the right choice.

So good night, farewell, God bless.

John

Delhi, India

Randym News

2006-02-26T15:58:00.000-05:00

Obviously, Randym News was delayed. This, we are sure, disappointed our readers. All two of them.

...

The Rambler will be on hiatus this week, to allow writers to see their doctors about carpal tunnel syndrome.

...

In keeping with the tradition of violating tradition, Marti Gras (Carnavale for the Rome students) will not be celebrated on the last Tuesday before Lent. Rather, it was yesterday. It was a night of subdued chaos, filled with masks, opera-singing Phantoms, and weird hooded men. Oh, and a free chocolate bar.

...

A blood drive was held Wednesday. There was a minor incident as Fr. O’Kielty dumped holy water and garlic powder on the volunteers to make certain none of them were vampires.

...

Ladies’ Open House was last Sunday. The ladies are reportedly still recovering from the invasion. Two birthday parties also occurred in Campion during the event.

Today, all three "house" dormitories have an open house of their own, including a beach party at the girls’ place. Considering that it was snowing as Mass let out earlier, that takes some courage.

...

Dale Ahlquist speaks tomorrow night. Dr. Carroll speaks Wednesday. There’s gonna be whole lotta speakin’ goin’ on.

...

And that’s all the news that’s fit to blog. Thank you, and good night.

Bowman the Black
Reporting Blogger

Decisions, decisions

2006-02-20T10:10:00.000-05:00

Lately I've been in some tremendous quandaries. There is just not enough time left in my college career to finish everything I mean to do. Here's my to-do list so far:

*Major in Classics: because Mr. S. talked me into it. I daresay he could talk anyone into anything. He could probably talk my brother into reading Jane Eyre -- if he wanted to.

*Major in English: because I love English, and because I must do my thesis on King Arthur, or I'll mourn forever.

*Go to Rome: something that I am actually going to do! Hooray! My parents told me last night that I may go. This does, however, take a semester of my time. Gladly spent, but there'll be some making-up to do.

*Be an RA.

*Finish my 2 current novels.

*Join the choir.

*Have fun, occasionally.

Some of these things are going to have to go. Either I drop one of the majors to a minor (which is rather like being asked which of your children you would save from a burning building), or I keep both majors and do nothing else. No writing, no choir, no fun. (Rome stays, though. It must.) Five classes and a thesis each semester of senior year. You know, they could make a reality TV show out of that: Double-Major Survivor. I wouldn't watch it, though. My opinions on reality TV are quite emphatic ever since I accidentally watched an episode of Amish in the City.

What to do, what to do? I wonder if I'll be completely decided before the exact moment I declare. I've been waffling back and forth all year. Any input, anyone?

Randym News

2006-02-17T19:32:00.000-05:00

The night after the last Randym News update, several gentlemen on campus gathered to write up poems at an Undisclosed Location. (This location was known to any lady who peeked at the posters requesting submissions, since they were posted on doors often left open in the unseasonably warm weather.) Several of the gentlemen, including three Fiddlers, labored through the night, finally breaking at six in the morning.

A fourth Fiddler, who thought he had successfully escaped the incident, was later trapped into helping out that same day. Just remember: real men write poems.

...

The actual Valentine’s Day passed with little incident. Day classes were cancelled due to a staff meeting; night classes were sparsely populated due to certain students "forgetting" that they still had to show up that night.

...

A makeup class for Professor Arias’ Theology 102 class took place this passed Wednesday night. It was marked by a brief incursion of three armed and masked men; two were armed with automatic weapons, the third with a katana. These armed men have not been identified, but it was noted by eyewitnesses that the Christendom Inquisition’s undercover agent was not present. The Inquisition’s spokesman was not available for comment on any possible connection.

...

The Shield of Roses rally tomorrow looks to be successful. There aren’t enough people signed up to stay late for the buses to do that, so Shield’s still on the same schedule.

...

The Rambler continues, though the price of each issue is about $75. To keep this up, John J. may have to cut staff pay down to two peanuts an hour.

A donation jar (actually a vase) has been set up in Regina Coeli’s Chester-Belloc Room. John J. is asking for fifty cents from each student. It’s suspected that he’ll be more likely to get dollar bills than quarters -- everyone knows that quarters are so valuable around here. He probably won’t mind.

(Unless, of course, he was planning on pilfering the fund for laundry money.)

...

And that’s all the news that’s fit to blog. Thank you, and good night.

Bowman the Black
Reporting Blogger

How to Protest "the Da Vinci Code"

2006-02-15T18:32:00.000-05:00

Janet Batchler (of Act One) has an interesting way for us to protest this movie. She posted it on her blog Quoth the Maven (http://quoththemaven.blogspot.com/) on February 11th. Here's my summary:

Four ways of protesting:

1) Ignore it. (Wrong!)
- Doesn't help, and it's the opposite of what actually works (see below).

2) Physical/visible/audible protest. (Wrong!)
- Only gives them free publicity.

3) Rational argument. (Wrong!)
- Doesn't help, because most people won't listen -- or if they do, they'll still go check out the movie to "see the other side." Remember, the object is also to convince people making movies like this is a bad idea.

4) Go to the movies. (Right!)
- A movie ticket is a vote; go vote for another candidate.

If' you've been ignoring it like I have, the movie comes out on the 19th of March -- the weekend that kicks off Spring Break here at Christendom.

I wonder if Curious George or The Pink Panther will still be out?

Bowman the Black
Quietly Protesting Blogger

Randym News

2006-02-10T19:44:00.000-05:00

Tonight, we’ll lead off with the biggest news: the South Dakota abortion-ban bill has excited everyone on campus. We’re all praying that Governor Rounds will sign the bill into law as soon as possible, so that we can get on with the Supreme Court battle. Now that’s good TV.

In related news, Jenne L., our resident South Dakotan, is currently accepting applications for becoming her neighbor.

...

Shield may be getting a chartered bus or two for next week, meaning that drivers would not be needed . . . if enough people sign up. They’re also offering (again, dependant on how many people want to) to leave late so that people can visit the museums in DC.

It’s too bad they couldn’t have done that on some other day than that of the St. Genesius’ Night festivities. Fortunately, extended practice has never been a hallmark of the St. Genesius’ Night skits.

...

"Valentine’s Day" is tomorrow. The sophomore class president has been witnessed stalking young men in an effort to gain servers for the Pamper-the-Women Dinner. A certain Fiddler made himself scarce at the sight, but chivalry left a message for him.

...

A petition to change the night of the Valentine's dance-and-dinner to Monday was attempted and failed, because it only received a hundred signatures.

...

An all-night meeting in an undisclosed location has been planned to gather poems for the ladies. Interestingly, this year the women almost vetoed the poems entirely.

...

The SAC has managed to find a way to keep the basketball teams at home, by somehow arranging for snow. We are told people might actually show up now.

...

The Christendom Inquisition’s investigation into Professor Arias continues. An undercover operative has been inserted into the class to monitor the proceedings. As yet, there are no plans to burn anyone at the stake, but we are told this will be subject to further review.

...

The Webmistress of 8 O’Clock Chaplet has been busy updating her blog’s sidebar to actually include short profiles and (*gasp*) pictures. Doing so has caused her to have a minor psychotic breakdown, and this chased most people out of the computer lab while she undertook this Herculean effort.

...

And that’s all the news that’s fit to blog. Thank you, and good night.

Bowman the Black
Reporting Blogger

Announcing...

2006-02-05T20:40:00.000-05:00

How the Academy Awards should go each year...

I nominate St. Peter!

John

Delhi, India

Randym News

2006-02-03T14:46:00.000-05:00

The new incarnation of The Rambler has been launched. Two Fiddlers have articles in the first issue, and more will be joining soon. One article can be found at Charlemagne’s Palace.

John J. wants the paper to be as much like a professional publication as possible, and so announced at the last meeting a starting salary of 3 peanuts an hour for all members.

More information on The New Rambler can be found in Sheila's last post.

...

Dr. Blum’s History 202 class might actually be talking about things that didn’t happen in France. Film at eleven.

...

A new professor has joined on a temporary basis, taking over one of the Theology 102 (Doctrine II) classes. His name? Professor Arias.

Parents, don’t panic. Agents of the Christendom Inquisition are standing by.

...

A fencing club has started. Does this mean Charlemagne will be able to challenge men of honor to duels? We’ll keep an eye on this one, folks.

...

An effort has begun to start a "second-shift Shield." Yes, that’s right, folks, Shield of Roses is now in the afternoon as well. Currently there’s a shortage of transportation, but organizers hope this will change.

...

February 11th, currently confused with the 14th, fast approaches, and the anxiety builds. Will there be enough poems to go around? Will the Secret Coordinator of Poems (Whose Name Is An Open Secret) collapse of exhaustion filling in for all the men who slack off? Stay tuned for more updates.

...

And that's all the news that's fit to blog. Thank you, and good night.

Bowman the Black
Reporting Blogger

Silence reigneth.

2006-02-03T13:35:00.000-05:00

The halls of Fiddleback Fever are eerily silent. Dust collects on the tiled floor. The faint hum of a trapped fly is the only sound. Where are the fiddlers?

Writing the school newspaper, that's where.

The esteemed Baggage Boy has finally found another outlet for his creative genius (or whatever that insane writing addiction can be called). Charlemagne has finally found a place where he can sign his own proper title (complete with numerals indicating "Third of that Name") instead of having to borrow someone else's. Even Meredith and I are eyeing the new paper nervously, pondering whether or not to jump in, and what we would say if we did.

The Rambler, "Phoenix Edition" (so called because it rises from the ashes of its less glorious predecessor, the plain old Rambler), has been driving this campus just a little crazier than it used to be. All of a sudden, instead of just talking, people are interviewing each other and publishing their finds. Editorials are being written. Actual news has been sighted in the paper. Why, it even has ads! Naturally we are excited. Somewhere near 40 people have expressed interest in working on the new paper, and the rest of us are just biding our time.

The price we have to pay, however, is the continued absence of two of our fiddlers -- that is, two-thirds of the posting power -- and prospects of the loss of the rest looming overhead. Quite sorry, Gentle Readers, but I'm afraid it will remain quiet until our resident reporters have their articles done for this week.

Charlemagne's Palace

2006-01-28T15:34:00.000-05:00

I invite all of you to enter Charlemagne's Palace today, the latest addition to the Catholic Blogsphere.

Randym News

2006-01-27T16:11:00.000-05:00

. . . for those not with us.

The Sophomore Spring Semester '06 is gaining momentum. Fortunately, there aren't six full papers this time. Perhaps the Powers That Be Something figured out that students dropping in the halls was bad for the college's image.

...

The Spring Play is A Midsummer Night's Dream, directed by our lovable and insane Donna S. God help us all.

...

An effort has begun to turn The Rambler, the campus opinion journal, into a real newspaper. Several impressionable Fiddlers have been seduced by this idea and have been spotted furiously typing on computers trying to make their deadlines. No word yet on whether they still remember they have a blog to update every so often.

...

The March for Life went on as it has before, with the DC police pulling out all the stops to protect the city from dangerous Pro-Lifers. After all, there's nothing more deadly than a bunch of kids praying the Rosary . . . and in public, too.

...

The St. Valentine's Day Dinner (aka the Pamper the Women Dinner) has been rescheduled. Since Valentine's Day now has nothing to do with St. Valentine's feastday, both the dance and the dinner will now occur on Saturday, February 11th. Also taking place on that date is a women's basketball away game and a wedding. No word on whether mass bilocation will be taking place.

...

The opening of the Pope John Paul II Student Center has been set for February 22nd, the Feast of the Chair of St. Peter. Will the building actually be ready by then? Further updates as we get them.

...

Men's Open House is this Sunday. Therapists are standing by to treat any women overcome by the horrors within.

...

And that's all the news that's fit to blog. Thank you, and good night.

Bowman the Black
Reporting Blogger

My Grave Stone

2006-01-17T09:37:00.000-05:00

A Stone Angel

How Should Your Death Be Marked?
brought to you by Quizilla

Another quiz for you to take when you should be studying for that test in two weeks. ;)

Catholic emoticons

2006-01-12T15:57:00.000-05:00

I was messing around a bit on the computer this morning and I came up with something rather irreverent. So I beg everyone's forgiveness in advance, and offer my assurance that I mean no disrespect for the Persons or Things I made emoticons out of . . . I'm just trying, in my extremely limited way, to draw little pictures of things I hold dear.

Priest :)}
That's a Roman collar, in case you can't tell

Nun (:-)<
The veil, you know

Person Praying :)<

Bishop <:)}+
Mitre, collar, and pectoral cross

Usher passing the basket around :)P

Confession :)} :o<
Priest on one side, person talking with folded hands on the other

Eucharist O D<

Chalice and host

Saint 0:)<

Halo

Sacred Heart <,{3+

Cross, crown of thorns, and a drop of blood

Immaculate Heart

A sword piercing her heart

These may be useful in Catholic chat room conversations, like this: I went to the :)} and he told me I should go to :)} :o<>

P.S. Does anyone know a way that I can disable html in this post? The computer keeps trying to "read" my emoticons, with disastrous effect . . .

A Sirius Post, from a sirius blogger.

2006-01-11T15:35:00.000-05:00

Actually, that should probably read 'sirian' blogger. That would make you humans 'solar' bloggers. Congratulations.

My brother, when younger, informed me that Jesus was the "fruit of the loom." The oral typo was corrected, however, and we all felt much better. The next trick was to fix his prayer life. Listening to very small people pray has made me seriously wonder exactly to what sort of abominations we are all contributing, what kind of world-wide misspeak is now prevalent due to some three-year-old's mistake being translated over and over by a bunch of German monks, all through the middle ages. Thank goodness that sort of worry isn't valid anymore. Somehow, the idea of an entire civilization picking up the habit of praying, "Hail Mary, full of grapes," makes me queasy.

When I was quite young, I tended to mispronounce words with great frequency. Actually, I just tended to pronounce words with great frequency--the sheer volume of words caused the number of mistakes somewhat by default. In this manner, our house became populated with mazagines and buhsketti. This was a bit hit at family parties (but not as big of a hit as my actually biting into a glass tumbler and shattering the thing into a million pieces, one of which was never recovered). Also popular was my hit single, "Up, the Happy Dragon." According to my innocent version, Up lived "high and clear." My dad insists that the young and unsullied mind knows the truth--it really is a drug song after all. My favorite past time as a little tyke was whistling. Only I couldn't whistle. Instead, I imitated the sound a quail makes, repeating the syllables "shoe-sweat!" often and with gusto. My parents lived to tell about it.

Now, everything is calmed down. The only thing my brother ever urges me to do these days is, "Put your mind to it and just make a conceited effort!"

Geometric Quandary

2006-01-07T16:00:00.000-05:00

"I'm out of shape!"

I know, I know. I hate hearing those words all the time, as I know many of you also do. However, I hate to say them more than I hate hearing them. I'm sure this is also the case with many of you. I hate saying it for three reasons:

1. I'm right. Bad things happen when I'm right.
2. I'm always out of breath when I'm trying to say it.
3. Nobody believes me. This is either because they know of Reason #1 or they're too busy laughing at me to notice I said (wheezed) anything.
4. OK, I said three. I just like to annoy those obsessive list-makers out there.

My condition came to the forefront of my attention this past weekend when I attempted to play some parking lot football with my friends. Besides being unable to run, breathe or speak after the first five minutes, I hurt all week from pulled muscles in my legs, arms, hands, feet, neck and back.

Oh sure, I knew I was out of shape before. I just didn't know how much out of shape I was. I didn't do any sports this past semester, and I guess writing a bunch of essays isn't much of a physical workout. However, I'm now left with what I call the "Normal Out-of-shape Person's Quandary". This differs significantly from what I call the "Health Nut Weirdo's Quandary".

(For those of you who are not literature majors, or for those of you who are and do not know what I'm talking about, here is the definition for quandary.)

Now, the Normal Out-of-shape Person's Quandary is thus: I do not work out. Therefore I am out of shape. I can get in shapeby working out. However, I _________ * . Therefore, I do not work out and will remain out of shape.

* Insert excuses here.
Example: Don't have enough time, willpower, money; Am too lazy; Have a hard enough time exerting myself enough to play video games.
All of the above may apply.

In case you were wondering, the only quandary in the Health Nut Weirdo's Quandary is which brand of lima bean flavored energy bar to buy.

So I am at in impasse. I am one of the all of the above people. I guess I'll stay out of shape for now. I don't particularly care for lima beans, and I have video games that need playing. I'll just go watch Sesame Street and tell myself I'm just fine the way I am. Sure, it'll be denial. But hey, it's a surefire way to avoid any punishment for being right.

John

Delhi, India

Prayer Request

2006-01-06T19:59:00.000-05:00

For those of you who don't visit The Christendom Commons, I've a request. My sister-in-law is apparently dying. I've just been informed that two doctors have given her about five years. What it is, I don't know. I'm assuming it's not something common, like cancer, otherwise my brother would have just said that. I don't know anything else.

Please pray.

Catholicism can be nasty...

2006-01-06T14:17:00.000-05:00

Oh, wow. This is sooooooooooo gross:

"The name of Anthony became celebrated throughout the world, and with it the name of Padua. The inhabitants of that city erected to his memory a magnificent temple, whither his precious relics were transferred in 1263, in presence of St. Bonaventure, Minister General at the time. When the vault in which for thirty years his sacred body had reposed was opened, the flesh was found reduced to dust but the tongue uninjured, fresh, and of a lively red colour. St. Bonaventure, beholding this wonder, took the tongue affectionately in his hands and kissed it, exclaiming: "O Blessed Tongue that always praised the Lord, and made others bless Him, now it is evident what great merit thou hast before God."

New Years: A year of rebuilding

2006-01-02T23:17:00.000-05:00

I came home to an interesting sight. The tops of most houses look the same. Most houses in Beaumont, Orange, Port Arthur, Lake Charles LA, and other cities are covered with blue plastic or tarp with the letters FEMA written all over them. People who are willing to pay high prices for shingles are the ones that get the newest shipment into the area.

As far as I know most air-conditioners have been fixed, and with a high of 80 degrees they were needed. Yes, while you northeners enjoy your nice below 60 degree days, we get 60 degree nights.

Fences are down and so is the unemployment rate. With all the stuff that needs to be done around here the only people who do not have a job are those who don't want one, those who can't do manual labor, and those who do not want one.

As one drives through neighborhoods, one will see roots and stumps next to the road in peoples lawns or the trees that have not yet been picked up. Metal buildings are laying on the ground in a pile of twisted metal.

Some churches have been destroyed, halves of them still stand. St. James Catholic Church in Port Arthur still cannot hold even a funeral Mass for a member and is having the Mass at nearby St. Catherine's.

Telephone poles, that are still standing, are leaning. Some are bent in the middle. The big metal ones with the cris-crossed bars that hold about six large wires were crumpled up into a ball and were recently replaced.

Traffic lights in some areas are still not working. In some places the lights no longer exist. Some of the ones that are working are now blinking red. And street signs. You can't find your way through town by relying on street signs because half of them have been blown off and not been replaced.

It's amazing to see the half cleaned up aftermath of the storm. This being the largest hurricane to hit the area in my lifetime. Well, the city will keep going, things will be rebuilt, and lessons will be learned, because this new year brings hope and a new hurricane season.

By the grace of God my house received very little damage, under $5000, and my grandma's house received less than most, but she was still hit very hard.

May God bless us all this new year.

Happy New Year!

2006-01-01T22:45:00.000-05:00

Another year older, another year of blogging.
Another year another dollar.
Actually, this whole enterprise is non-profit.
Anyhow, I must be off.
All the sentences in this post start with an A, too.

John

Delhi, India

I'm ready now

2005-12-28T13:50:00.000-05:00

This is to announce that I am finally ready for Christmas. It may come now.

The actual 25th came and caught me completely unprepared. I had finally gotten the tree, and gotten it in its stand and up, still undecorated, with half my Christmas shopping done, when without warning I came down with the flu. A forty-eight hour flu.

When I finally arose from my bed of sickness, I found to my surprise that it was Christmas Eve. The tree was still undecorated, my presents weren't done, my Christmas dress wasn't hand washed and dried, no cookies were baked, no Christmas cards sent . . .

That day I managed to get the tree in shape -- no thanks to the two small boys "helping" me. One kept taking ornaments off to play with, and the other kept putting packing popcorn and random fuzz on the tree. I also sent some e-cards; a pitiful expedient, but desperate times . . . you know.

Yesterday I finally finished my Christmas shopping. The dress has been now declared an Epiphany dress. My heart is beginning to feel a faint wisp of holiday cheer.

Therefore, I declare to Christmas: You may come now. I am ready at last.

Thank goodness for 12 days of Christmas!

Randym Reflexions: Have a Politically Correct Holiday

2005-12-22T23:11:00.000-05:00

We do not want to offend anyone at this time of year; so, on behalf of all of Fiddleback Fever, allow me to present the following disclaimer. Our lawyers have assured us that we are covered, no matter what we say, so long as we also say this.

To our readers:

Please accept (with no obligation, implied or implicit) our best wishes for an environmentally conscious, socially responsible, low-stress, non-addictive, gender-neutral celebration of the Winter Solstice Holiday, practiced within the most enjoyable traditions of the religious persuasion of your choice, or secular practices of your choice, with respect for the religious/secular persuasions and/or traditions of others, or their choice not to practice religious or secular traditions at all.

We also wish you (again, with no obligation to accept) a fiscally successful, personally fulfilling, and medically uncomplicated recognition of the onset of the generally accepted calendar year, 2006 . . . but, not without respect for the calendars of other cultures whose contributions to society may have helped make America great. Not to imply that America is necessarily greater than any other country, or that it is the only America in the Western Hemisphere, and without regard to the race, creed, color, age, physical ability, religious faith, choice computer platform, or sexual preference of the wishee.

In other words . . .

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!

Bowman the Black
Non-PC Blogger

Backlogged Clotheslines

2005-12-22T01:21:00.000-05:00

"You know, there are some things duct tape won't fix." - Dr. Andres

"Would you say some prayers by my grave for me?" - Mr. Brown

"Angry peasants do not get lollipops!" - M.A.

"Dandelions lust for the sun." - Mr. O'H.

"When you go to get Pepsi, are you trying to imitate the Unmoved Mover?" - Mr. O'H.

"You shouldn't have drunk so much from Lethe in your former life." - Dr. F.

"...But if you got a 99% on this test - St. Boethius says kiss it goodbye." - Dr. F.

"Ze Calvinists will take away our cheese, I know it! Ze are not fun people." - Dr. S.

"Argenti pondus - I don't know; it could be some kind of giant disco ball." - Dr. F. (speculating on a mysterious object which Caesar found in Pompey's deserted camp.)

"You can skip over the actual conjuration. We don't want any devils appearing." - Dr. R. (to a student reading an excerpt from Dr. Faustus.)

"I'm a master at corruption." - Dr. C.

"Did I not draw the participle choo-choo train for you?" - Dr. F.

"I think of my teaching as a heroic act of charity. I even consider it a corporal work of mercy." - Dr. F.

"All the bloody saints - that needs to go in the Clothesline." - Fr. H.

"It is good to debase yourself in a dignified manner." - A.C.

"I think that God kicks his sons and hugs his daughters." - T.E.D.

"Never, my child, stuff a chicken with snow. It killed Francis Bacon; it will kill you." - Dr. S.

"We will need Euclid in the afterlife." - Dr. T.

"Although they are sacred geese, they do not have the power of speech." - Mr. S.

"Is there an angel of spiders?" - H. K. (I bet Pavel Chichikov thinks so.)

"The German guy who is now Pope uses a lot of jargon too." - Mr. J.

"Every human being is a piece of hardware that requires Jesus Christ software. Every human also has a virus that needs Jesus Christ virus protection software." - Mr. J.

"Chartreuse is the closest you can get to the Beatific Vision." - Mr. J.

A little something...

2005-12-21T21:18:00.000-05:00

Will you all please go see this? I about fell off the couch-it's so real!

Randym Reflexions: Intelligent Design and Unintelligent Decisions

2005-12-21T02:27:00.000-05:00

So this one school district has been told, by a judge, that teaching "Intelligent Design" in a public school violates the First Amendment. (I won’t reiterate the story. If you really don’t know what happened, go look it up. It’s good for you. Burns calories.)

Now, this is obviously stupid on legal grounds. The First Amendment has only one thing to say about religion. Congress can’t establish one. Nothing about "promoting." Nothing about "having." The US Congress simply can’t establish a state religion, like a certain individual did back in England a few centuries ago.

In fact, let me point out something else: it says Congress can’t do this. Individual states can do this and not be unconstitutional. (It might violate their own laws, of course; some states expressly forbid this as well.) It most certainly doesn’t say anything about what a public school district might do, especially when trying to give students all the facts.

But one has to ask: is this really a bad thing?

Forget the legal problems; forget all else but what the students get. Is it really benefitting them to get "Intelligent Design" in there?

I’m all for teaching that there’s a God Who made everything in a rational manner ("intelligently," in other words), Who has a plan ("design," in other words) for us all, and Who is always there when we need Him. Unfortunately, we’re not allowed to do that . . . and I’m of the opinion that half-measures just aren’t all that good. Either teach it or don’t.

Evolutionary theory isn’t fact; that’s why we still hang that "theory" tag on it. However, it fits the evidence better than anything out there . . . except, of course, when you come to certain aspects.

For instance, if you accept a Godless evolution, you have to believe that, somehow, matter always existed. That in itself flies in the face of both reason and scientific fact, but I won’t get into it now. (Unless, of course, someone asks.)

You also have to accept that there should be a lot of evolutionary dead-ends out there. And yet, genetic analysis shows that every life form on this dustball is highly related to each other. In fact, according to something I once read, humans share about ninety percent genetic relation to bananas, which ought to give an interesting new shade of meaning to a popular euphemism. If all life started because of the random combinations of amino acids, then it stands to reason that this should have happened more than once; there was enough room for this to happen several times before species started interacting with each other. Once established, life forms would crowd out developing forms, of course -- but as I said, there was enough time for it to happen far enough apart that it could have happened, and yet . . . it didn’t?

However, these are both things that evolutionists, even secular evolutionists, have recognized as problems. They know that the theory has holes, but it’s the best thing they have right now. It’s rather similar to government. Democracy isn’t the best form of government; it’s just the best we’ve got right now.

"Intelligent Design," without actually being religion, can’t hold a votive candle to evolutionary theory. Now, evolution with religion can be a really nice pair; the Church’s teachings actually make evolution a stronger theory than it is alone. However, "ID" can’t really fill that gap, and it certainly can’t stand as a scientific theory on its own.

So what do we do? Frankly, I’d like to leave it up to the parents, the same way I don’t trust the public school system with anything religious. They’ll want to make it relate to everyone, and if you talk about the Bible, they’ll want to bring in the Veda myths.

When I left public school for home school, my first science text opened up reading like an Eastern mystic’s meditation on the world. Don’t get me wrong; it was a Catholic text book -- or at least, it was supposed to be. A bunch of it read like Fundamentalism. Regardless, I felt like the author was telling me to meditate on my belly button and how wonderful it was that I had one. It wasn’t teaching science. Most importantly, it wasn’t teaching me how to think. The three chapters on evolution were the most closed-minded thing I’d ever read until I found Jack Chick’s website (and even then, I thought for a moment that I’d found the author of that science book).

God wants us to use our reason, the way He wants us to use every gift He’s given us. God never hammers anything into us; when we’re wrong, He’s certainly let us know (ahem, Sodom, ahem ahem). He’ll spoon-feed us some things, but every time it’s either something we couldn’t know otherwise, or something that confirms our belief. Time and again, Jesus asked those around Him to think, even when He knew it was time to get out that spoon again.
Knowledge of the world around us was not included on the Spoon of Revelation. This is something that has been left up to own intellects. As we learn more, we realize more about the glory of God, and that we have not really earned anything given to us. Even if the scientist does not know God, his thoughts will eventually rise to Him -- as it happened with Plato and Aristotle, and those who followed their teachings. But to do that, it has to be free, not forced.

Furthermore (and yes, this will bring us back to evolution), we have to believe that it is possible to understand everything around us. If God is the Supreme Rational Mind, then both He and His creation are understandable. In the case of God, we will never fully understand Him, as He is infinite; but in the case of His finite creation, we can. God is not chaos, and neither is His creation. If there’s chaos, there’s no plan.

Science is a product of human reason, and human reason alone. God does not confirm it for us, and we won’t know how well we do on the exam until we turn it in. Some of us might get a lower score than others, but it doesn’t really matter in and of itself. The Bible is not a teaching tool for science. Case in point: "In him all things hold together" (Col 1:17) does not refer to the binding force of atoms (though a certain member of Fiddleback’s Axis of Heresy thinks so). Read in context, it fits a lot better as a statement of how we all exist by the Will of God. The Bible might confirm some things science comes up with, and it is never in contradiction to it, but it is not a roadmap for high school biology or physics classes.

I apologize to all for the randomness I just subjected you to, but it’s something I needed to get off my chest. I don’t hate "ID"; I just don’t think it’s really useful at all.

Bowman the Black
Ranting Blogger

Terror Awareness for the Holidays

2005-12-18T20:42:00.000-05:00

The British are feeling the pinch in relation to recent
bombings and have raised their security level from "Miffed"
to "Peeved." Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet
again to "Irritated" or even "A Bit Cross." Londoners have
not been "A Bit Cross" since the blitz in 1940 when tea
supplies all but ran out. Terrorists have been
re-categorised from "Tiresome" to a "Bloody Nuisance." The
last time the British issued a "Bloody Nuisance" warning
level was during the great fire of 1666.

Also, the French government announced yesterday that it has
raised its terror alert level from "Run" to "Hide." The only
two higher levels in France are "Surrender" and
"Collaborate." The rise was precipitated by a recent fire
that destroyed France's white flag factory, effectively
paralysing the country's military capability.

It's not only the English and French that are on a
heightened level of alert. Italy has increased the alert
level from "Shout Loudly and Excitedly" to "Elaborate
Military Posturing." Two more levels remain: "Ineffective
Combat Operations" and "Change Sides."

The Germans also increased their alert state from
"Disdainful Arrogance" to "Dress in Uniform and Sing
Marching Songs." They also have two higher levels: "Invade a
Neighbour" and "Lose."

Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual,
and the only threat they are worried about is NATO pulling
out of Brussels.

Randym Reflexions: Home For the Holidays

2005-12-18T03:44:00.000-05:00

And I'm home. Or that is, the home that's my mailing address. Er, when I'm not at my other home, at 134 Christendom Drive. I mean my "primary residence," my family's home, and especially my billing address.

Yes, folks, Bowman's back in DC, which has been variously translated to mean District of Columbia, Demonic City, Disorder and Chaos, and Democrat Central. I left Front Royal a little after noon Saturday, having stopped at both used bookstores (well, okay, Royal Oak is both new and used). I picked up some interesting items, including three volumes in the "Howdunit" series of writer's reference books: Modus Operandi ("A Writer’s Guide to How Criminals Work"), Murder One ("A Writer’s Guide to Homicide"), and the anthology-style Howdunit ("How Crimes Are Committed and Solved," which takes select chapters from other books and adds new material to give an overview of the genre.)

Me like. Me find useful. Me gotta get more.

Meanwhile, my mother, though finding the Howdunit books interesting, is far more interested in my copy of Peter Kreeft's Philosophy of Tolkien. I wonder if I’ll ever get it back from her? It kept her somewhat sane as, once again, I took her to the emergency room. Nothing life-threatening; she has an ear infection and some lung congestion, and waited until I came home so that I’d be the one taking her in, not my father or sister. I also brought along my copy of Everlasting Man, and gave my mother a dramatic reading of the introduction right there in Emergency (to distract her from the pain in her back as her medication wore off). I have the feeling we made the orderly who was taking my mother’s blood pressure stop and think. Yay Chesterton.

It was one thirty in the morning when we finally got out, and we got home about an hour later. (We stopped at a 7-11 for some ice cream. One always needs ice cream after getting a shot. I didn’t get the shot, though. No ice cream for me.)

Why am I up still? Because I’m stupid, I have too much sugar in me, and I have the strange desire to blog on someone else’s blog. Which stands to reason, as I lack a blog of my own to ramble on.

I’d also be using this opportunity to ask for prayers for my mother, too. She’s been out of the house only two times since Fall Break, when I took her to a vigil Mass. Neither of those two times, unfortunately, involved another Mass, much less taking place on Sundays. With the very trying night we just had at the hospital, she may very well not be able to go today, even with me here to help her. So, if y’all can spare a little prayer-power, I’d really like to get her out to Mass.

In fact . . . the way God tends to listen to Christendom student prayers, maybe she’ll have so much energy tomorrow that we’ll also go see Narnia. (Sorry, Fr. Heisler, but I’ll go with that rather than "more snow"!)

Anyway, to sum up . . . being home feels weird. And everyone has something for me to do, all at once, mainly involving cleaning up after everyone else. Not to mention I'm now only the third most crippled person around; my father's still recovering from his stomach surgery, and can't really use his abdominal muscles. At least after Tuesday he's taking two full weeks off from work. Now if only reporters will stop trying to call him about the Patriot Act! For once, we're actually glad we use dial-up Internet. They can't get through if we're online. (/big_grin)

Okay, this has been quite a bit more randym than I'd indended. I'd better end it now.

Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night . . . even though when you read this you'll be considering it morning, if that.

Bowman the Black
Insomniac Blogger

How to Save a Relationship

2005-12-14T10:17:00.000-05:00

Have you been away from home for ten years or more, doing your duty for king and country?

Did you leave a loving wife and newborn son behind?

Have greedy suitors invaded your home, depleted your stores, wooed your wife, and threatened your son and heir?

Are you in desperate need of help, but can only rely on a few faithful servants, your threatened family, and the blessing of the gods?

We know what to do.

If you or any of your friends are suffering from long seperations, threatened marriages, or gluttonous suitors, please call Odysseus, Telemachus and Sons, Hired Hit Men and Marriage Counselors.

We'll get you back home, drive out those suitors, and reunite you with your wife and son, all for one low fee of 500 drachmas. For Cyclops Insurance, Wind protection, Siren Pattented Ear-plugs, and food to keep your men from eating the Cattle of Helios, please see our special offers.

Odysseus, Telemachus and Sons, Hired Hit Men and Marriage Counselors, Keeping familes together for over 5,000 years. (1-800-KIL-THEM)

Muppet Quiz

2005-12-13T18:10:00.000-05:00

I love this stuff!

You are Kermit the Frog.
You are reliable, responsible and caring. And you
have a habit of waving your arms about
maniacally.

FAVORITE EXPRESSIONS:
"Hi ho!" "Yaaay!" and
"Sheesh!"
FAVORITE MOVIE:
"How Green Was My Mother"

LAST BOOK READ:
"Surfin' the Webfoot: A Frog's Guide to the
Internet"

HOBBIES:
Sitting in the swamp playing banjo.

QUOTE:
"Hmm, my banjo is wet."

What Muppet are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

Finals

2005-12-12T18:58:00.000-05:00

'Twas the night before finals, and all through the dorm,
Not a creature was sleeping, not even a Form.

Last night was the latest I have ever stayed up studying. (It was only three o'clock. Rather pathetic I suppose.) We had a philosophy phinal (I mean final) at nine in the morning, and I didn't get really down to studying until after dinner.

By 9:30 I wanted to die.

By 10:00 I was eating animal crackers and snow and finally realizing what the ratio boni was.

By 11:00 I had finished a nice study guide and decided to blog (on Enchiridion).

By 11:30 I had headed back to my room. My roommate was asleep, having left this message: "I stole some of the fudge on your desk. It seemed to conform to the ratio boni at the time. There is a care package from Andromache (this, for hard-to-explain reasons, means my mother) on your bed to make up for the ravages done by my intellectual appetite." The postscript read, "See what finals does to one?"

By 12:00 I gatecrashed a study party. It involved doing animal imitations and throwing things at one another.

By 1:00 we were deep in conversation about our philosophy professor's views on man and woman. He would be shot for them in any public college. He was very nearly killed for them here.

By 2:00 I realized everyone else was falling asleep, so I left, with the intention of just studying a little more before going to bed.

At 2:30 I discovered Snapple in the care package. That stuff is powerful. There was no way I could go to bed after drinking it, so I sat on the floor in the hallway eating trail mix and muttering to myself about Averroes.

At 3:00 I forced myself to go to bed. I didn't want to.

At 7:00 I woke up, bright-tailed and bushy-eyed. This lasted half an hour.

At 8:00 I ate biscuits and gravy. These are disgusting when you are tired. So is iced tea with that much sugar in it.

At 9:00 I went into the final, so tired I could barely see. I think I took a slight nap during the final.

--This is the standard and most insane way of studying on this campus. And yet, somehow, I think I did all right.

The Night Before Christmas -- Rita Style

2005-12-09T14:07:00.000-05:00

The Night Before Christmas - Our Town - 2005

Tis the night before Christmas and all through the town
Debris of all kind is stacked in a mound
Houses are beat up, trees are not there
The landscape is different and curiously bare

Fences are gone and the dogs have got out
Insurance agents are nowhere about
Mold in its grandeur is lining the walls
Inside the cabinets and all through the halls

Moms are exhausted and daddies are spent
They're paying their house notes and now paying rent
FEMA is long gone, the Red Cross has split
Searching for new towns disasters have hit

The children are restless as they lay in their beds
Troubled thoughts filling their heads
Can Santa find them amid all the rubble
Or will he think it's just not worth the trouble

Then out of the night comes the sound of small hoofs
Prancing and pawing atop the blue roofs
Though Santa's landmarks were not where they'd been
The shine of the trailers guided him in

He managed somehow to deliver the toys
To all the deserving good girls and boys
And they heard him exclaim as he drove out of sight
"It takes more than Rita to mess up this night!"

A Real Catholic Sport

2005-12-07T12:49:00.000-05:00

Well, it seems that my friends in the League of Evil Traditionalists have been engaging in debates over what the truyl Catholic sport is. So far the two contenders have been ice hockey and wrestling (real wrestling, by the way, not that phony WWF junk). Both of my associates make good points, and I enjoy both sports immensely; however, I it is my sad duty to inform both of my comrades that they are wrong. The true Catholic sport is football, or soccer for you uneducated Americans.

Unlike American-style football or hockey, true football is a game played without pads or protection, pitting skill against skill alone, as God intended. And unlike rugby or hurling (sports which I take great pleasure in watching, if not playing), football restricts passage of the ball to the feet, the chest, and the head. A football player does not win a game through brute force, but relies on skill (it takes a lot of work to keep your eye on the ball at your feet, and at the guy charging at you) and uses his head. So too when a Catholic takes on enemies of the faith; while brute force is nice, it's better to use skill and reason. Finally, football has the ability to release the fighting spirit in both fan and player alike, and in such a way as I've never seen in other sports (except maybe rugby and hurling). Just look at Glasgow Celtic and their opponents, the Rangers. In matches between the two, any nonense about ecumenism and "dialogue" gets thrown to the wind, and the religious wars of the past 500 years are reenacted in full.

Besides that, there's also the fact that the founder of Glasgow Celtic, Brother Walfrid, has had his cause opened for beatification. I've yet to hear of this in hockey or wrestling.

The Celtic Football Club: Welcome to "Paradise"!

Rome Clothesline

2005-12-06T19:39:00.000-05:00

"Classic plot: some guy who is half-god, half-human, all gentleman." - Mr. A.

"We're not in Walmart! We're with the relics of the saints!" - Mr. P.

"Jesus made tables. I wish I had one." - Mr. P.

"I think it's easier to paint the Sistine Chapel than to set up a slide machine." - Prof. E.

"I'm glad someone considers my humanity valid..." - S.M.

"Our first date: we meditated together in a tree." - E.G.

"That was a bishop I just knocked off." - Msgr. C. (upon hanging up his cell phone.)

"When you're hitchhiking and you've got a couple of nuns, it's a great way to get a ride." - Msgr. C.

"My twin was born first, but I got the blessing and the birthright." - Mr. W.

"I kept going to the wrong barber and getting a Legionary of Christ haircut." - Mr. W.

"You have a cheetah in your room? Can I come and see it?" - Madre T.

"Bonaventure and Thomas meet an unbeliever at a bar." - Mr. W.
"What kind of beer are they drinking?" - A.W. (Is this Catholic Dungeons and Dragons or something?)

"Your dog gets run over by a tractor, but you're still happy. Why?" - Mr. A.

"The God of the New Testament is nice, happy, and wants us all to hold hands and make felt banners." - Mr. A.

"I would kill for a Kinko's." - Mrs. A.

"Penates: cupboard gods who keep people away from the sacred cookies." - Mr. A.

Holy Sonnet!

2005-12-06T12:27:00.000-05:00

I have to memorize a poem from one of the metaphysicals for recitation in literature class tomorrow. I've been writing it down again and again, and I think I've got it down now. Anyways, here's the poem, typed from memory.

"Holy Sonnet VI"
by John Donne

This is my play's last act, here heavens appoint
My pilgrimage's last mile and my race
Idly yet quickly run hath this last pace
My span's last inch, my minute's latest point;
And gluttonous death will instantly unjoint,
My body, and soul, and I shall sleep a space,
By my ever-waking part shall see that face,
Whose fear already shakes my every joint:
Then, as my soul to heven her first seat takes flight,
And earth-born body in the earth doth dwell,
So fall my sins, that all may have their right,
To where they are bred and would press me, to hell.
Impute me riteous, thus purg'd from evil,
For so I leave the world, the flesh, the devil.

For more things of this nature, visit Enchiridion.

John

Delhi, India

From Anathema to Zucchetto

2005-12-05T19:14:00.000-05:00

On a lighter note . . .

The other night at dinner, we began making up these alphabets, as a catechesis for freshmen. They may or may not serve that purpose, but they were really funny to make!

Alphabet of Heresies (and other errors)-- If you believe in any of these, call today! 1-800-AUTO-DE-FE.

A is for Arius
B is for Baptists
C is for Cathars
D is for Donatus
E is for Ebionites
G is for Gnosticism
H is for Henry VIII
I is for Iconoclasts
J is for Jansenism
K is for Kabbalah
L is for Luther
M is for Monophysites
N is for Nestorians
O is for Origen
P is for Pelagius
Q is for Quietism
R is for Rastafarianism
S is for Synchretism
T is for Tertullian
U is for Unitarianism
V is for Vigilius
W is for Wicca
X is for Xaoism
Y is for Yuppyism (a stretch, I know!)
Z is for Zwingli

Cool Christendom Stuff. I'm afraid non-Christendom people won't get many of these.

A is for Aristotle: Physics and De Anima, primarily.
B is for Boethius and Lady Philosophy.
C is for Coffee House, the thing we spend all year planning for.
D is for the Dam. Which is beautiful during the day, at any rate.
E is for Epipenoia (or however you spell it). Ask the Baggage Boy what it means.
F is the grade I got, alas!
G is for GPA, the elusive one.
H is for Horace. I seem to remember translating some of that fellow last year.
I is for Intelligible Species. (No matter what I do, I still think of Tyler when I see this phrase.)
J is for Julian-skit. This is a skit based off a popular movie, only happening at Christendom with lots of inside jokes.
K is for Kaphoozle.
L is for Latin, everyone's favorite dead language.
M is for Fr. M, whom we miss this semester.
N is for Napping (preferably in odd places. The choir loft is good.).
O is for O'D, O'H, and Fr. O'K -- all the Irish.
P is for Prime Matter. You can pick it up at Martin's.
Q is for quis, quae, and quid. Decline.
R is for Recitatio. If you don't know what this is, bless your stars.
S is for SAC, the Mafia of Christendom.
T is for Turabian. Death to Turabian.
U is for Unmoved Mover, the cause of it all.
V is for Valedictorian. I always wanted to be one. But I don't think it likely . . .
W is for Walter, the morning and evening star. That is to say, the one who's responsible for getting me the classes and professors I want.
X is for Xanadu (i.e. the F Drive), where poor laptopless students save all their files.
Y is for Yesterday, i.e. when your paper was due.
Z is for Zuchetto. Christendom has a much higher than usual concentration of people who know what these are.

Policy Update

2005-12-05T12:47:00.000-05:00

Beginning Monday December 12, Fiddleback Fever will require a Blogger username in order to post comments on subsequent subjects. The Anonymous heading for comment posting will be removed from the list of options for the user.

John

--Administrator of Fiddleback Fever

Ahemahemahema.

2005-11-29T18:11:00.000-05:00

It has been brought to my attention that some people did not know that I had a blog of my own.

I have a blog of my own.

Here is it: www.midnightradio86.blogspot.com.

You are welcome to visit, but don't expect anything remarkable. And a million bucks to the person who correctly identifies my screen name, as all attempts up to this point have been fruitless and, well, rather silly.

Providence and Procreation: One Catholic Student’s Perspective on Marriage and Natural Family Planning

2005-11-28T12:26:00.000-05:00

Marriage is and does many things at once. It is a sacrament and a vocation. However, it seems that the definition of the hierarchy of the ends of marriage are confused in the Catholic world today. One may look to the Catholic Encyclopedia for an answer of what the Church has taught on the subject for the past two millennia:

[Marriage] is sacred, being intended primarily by the Author of life to perpetuate His creative act and to beget children of God; its secondary ends are mutual society and help, and a lawful remedy for concupiscence.[1]

Although this definition is old, it still holds true and is still taught by the Catholic Church. The primary end of marriage is children, followed by mutual aid on the path of salvation for the spouses. However, a relatively new teaching has led many to the error that this hierarchy is no longer upheld by the Church and that the two are equal. Some even invert the teaching to say that the primary end of marriage is the mutual aid of the spouses to one another. Unfortunately, this turns the whole idea of marriage on its head.
This other teaching is that the primary end of marriage is the sanctification of those who enter into it. This is not untrue, nor is it very new. The source of the confusion is that it refers to another side of marriage than what it is usually taken for. The primary purpose of any vocation (as a vocation) is the sanctification of the person who enters into it. There fore, this teaching holds true for any marriage. However, it begs the question: If this is the primary end, how does marriage differ in its primary end from the religious life? Or from the priesthood? Within its capacity as vocation, there is only one primary end of marriage: the procreation of children. Now, it may be objected to that this cannot be the primary end of the married life. Some will say that there are married people who are incapable of having children. Is their marriage then useless? This cannot be. At the same time, though, the primary end of their marriage is still the same, although they are not able to complete that end.
The reason that this is the primary end of marriage is that marriage is a vocation at the service of the Church and of society. It has an external duty to fulfill; namely, the bearing and educating of children. The Church and society both rely on this vocation for their existence. If marriage is not for the purpose of raising children, but only for the sanctification of those who enter into it, then the society can no longer rely on this institution in this fashion. In the same way, for example, if a priest were to refrain from making the sacraments available to his parishioners and to only focus on his own sanctification through prayer, he would not be fulfilling the primary end of his vocation. It is indeed fortunate, then, that those who enter a certain vocation may sanctify themselves through the exercise of the primary end of that vocation.
This confusion over the ends of marriage has had a strange consequence among many conservative Catholic circles today; that is, the widespread adoption of Natural Family Planning (NFP) as the normal means of raising a Catholic family. NFP is a method of birth control in which the married couples refrain from conjugal relations only during the most fertile periods for the purpose of avoiding pregnancy. The Church does allow this method, but with reservations. The document allowing this practice is Humanae Vitae, an encyclical promulgated by Pope Paul VI on July 25, 1968[2]. This encyclical introduces the opportunity for this practice, as well as specifically addressing the problems and specifications that come with it.

If therefore there are well-grounded reasons for spacing births, arising from the physical or psychological condition of husband or wife, or from external circumstances, the Church teaches that married people may then take advantage of the natural cycles immanent in the reproductive system and engage in marital intercourse only during those times that are infertile.[3]

This is hardly an exhortation to widespread use. The current numbers are not accurate, but they indicate that close to 5% of Catholic families use NFP. Most of them do not consider themselves to have physical or psychological conditions that will bar them from having children. There are other reasons given by those who use NFP without these conditions. Those who, although not actively using it, promote it for use on a widespread scale also use these reasons. The first of these is the argument that God wants us to use our intelligence to control and shape our families. Some argue that those who do not use NFP, but allow children to come without planning them are acting as animals. They also contend that the quality of life for the children and financial stability must be upheld by using NFP, and those who do not are taking an unnecessary risk with their families. Here, Paul VI addresses the problem again:

The Church is the first to praise and commend the application of human intelligence to an activity in which a rational creature such as man is so closely associated with his Creator. But she affirms that this must be done within the limits of the order of reality established by God.[4]

The “limits of the order of reality established by God” is not defined in Humanae Vitae. One can only look back further in Church teaching to find the answer. Once again, one will find the definition of marriage given above, and the natural hierarchy ordained by God and developed in magisterial teaching. In Humanae Vitae, it is disclosed that NFP is acceptable under certain circumstances. Although this does entail human intellect acting in dominion over the conjugal act, it is only permissible in a way that does not upset the natural hierarchy in reality that is characteristic of marriage. This would imply stringent requirements before undertaking such an endeavor. Indeed, if the rest of the document is read in light of the considerations on NFP, it takes on a very firm tone. It is especially so in the document’s treatment of the need for faithfulness to God’s design.

An act of mutual love which impairs the capacity to transmit life which God the Creator, through specific laws, has built into it, frustrates His design which constitutes the norm of marriage, and contradicts the will of the Author of life. Hence to use this divine gift while depriving it, even if only partially, of its meaning and purpose, is equally repugnant to the nature of man and of woman, and is consequently in opposition to the plan of God and His holy will.[5]

The document allowing the practice of NFP is incompatible with the practice in widespread use, especially to the point of including the teaching of NFP methods in marriage preparation courses. The teaching on this method shows no indication whatsoever that it is to be used under normal marital circumstances.
This is not the first time that the Church has considered the questions surrounding NFP and its use. Pius XII, in his Address to Midwives on the Nature of their Profession, he considers NFP and its role in the natural order. After explaining the nature of marriage, Pius XII goes on to describe children as the characteristic service which gives rise to the peculiar values of their state. He reaches the logical conclusion: that the use of NFP goes against the normal order and vocation of marriage.

To embrace the matrimonial state, to use continually the faculty proper to such a state and lawful only therein, and, at the same time, to avoid its primary duty without a grave reason, would be a sin against the very nature of married life.[6]

The argument has been made that NFP should be used over total abstinence when there is a grave physical reason. This argument is not inherently incorrect, as the Church has allowed NFP for just such a reason. However, most take the argument further and say that such continence is impossible. Under this scenario, it is impossible for a marriage to continue without conjugal relations. Here again one may see the effects produced by an incorrect understanding of the ends of marriage. Procreation must be sacrificed to the mutual aid of the spouses, thus inverting the values of the marriage vocation. This argument is opposed to the idea that men can control themselves where concerns their base passions. If a man is not capable of continence in marriage, why must we expect it of him outside of it? This is not the same problem for women, for they must forego the conjugal act during the time when they are most likely to feel inclined toward it. Against this article, Pius XII writes to the midwives:

"God does not oblige anyone to do what is impossible. But God obliges husband and wife to abstinence if their union cannot be completed according to the laws of nature. Therefore in this case abstinence is possible."[7]

Writing on the use of NFP specifically, Pius XII does not condemn the idea out of hand, but affirms it with requirements.

Serious motives . . . may exempt husband and wife from the obligatory, positive debt for a long period or even for the entire period of matrimonial life. From this it follows that the observance of the natural sterile periods may be lawful, from the moral viewpoint: and it is lawful in the conditions mentioned.[8]

However, he is just as stringent as Paul VI, but in an even more pronounced fashion.

If, however, according to a reasonable and equitable judgment, there are no such grave reasons either personal or deriving from exterior circumstances, the will to avoid the fecundity of their union, while continuing to satisfy to the full their sensuality, can only be the result of a false appreciation of life and of motives foreign to sound ethical principles.[9]

The answer to today’s societal problems cannot be found in changing the world. It must be found in changing the hearts of people, starting with parents. The attitude around widespread NFP is one of a “Catholic contraception”. The attitude of parents must change to one of generosity and trust. If they cannot give of themselves for the sake of their vocation, for the sake of their children or the sake of society, then they must do it for the sake of God, Who called them to that state of life to serve, not to control. Parents must be able to recognize the gifts of God. This includes not just the gift of each other to one another, but also the gift of daily self-sacrifice for the sake of the greater good of the family, society and the Church. Is man the creator of man? If children are reduced to nothing more than mere products of conjugal relationships, then where does that leave God? Is He nothing more than the source of the soul of the child? God must have an intimate role in the interior life of the family. He must be the Lord and Author of life. It is the highest portion of marriage that can take part in this power of God. It is not for married couples to seize this power and to downplay God’s role. The attitude, the life, the hearts, the families, the very souls of husband and wife must make themselves servants of the Divine Will. Until then, they cannot understand their place in their vocation, or its place in the world.

O God, Who, in Thy ineffable Providence didst vouchsafe to choose blessed Joseph to be the Spouse of Thy most holy Mother; grant, we beseech Thee, that we may be worthy to have him for our intercessor in Heaven whom, on earth, we venerate as our protector. Amen.

-

[1] Marriage, Moral and Canonical Aspect of, Catholic Encyclopedia (1917) available from [http://www.newadvent.org/cathen/09699a.htm] Accessed 11/20/05.
[2] Humanae Vitae, Pope Paul VI, (1968) available from [http://www.vatican.va] Accessed 11/20/05
[3] Ibid., 16. Emphasis added.
[4] Ibid.
[5] Ibid., 13.
[6] Address to Midwives on the Nature of Their Profession, Pius XII, (1958) available from [http://www.catholicculture.org/docs/doc_view.cfm?recnum=3462]. Accessed 11/20/05.
[7] Ibid.
[8] Ibid.
[9] Ibid.

And for me....

2005-11-22T19:39:00.000-05:00

You scored as Captain Jack Sparrow. Roguish,quick-witted, and incredibly lucky, Jack Sparrow is a pirate who sometimes ends up being a hero, against his better judgement. Captain Jack looks out for #1, but he can be counted on (usually) to do the right thing. He has an incredibly persuasive tongue, a mind that borders on genius or insanity, and an incredible talent for getting into trouble and getting out of it. Maybe its brains, maybe its genius, or maybe its just plain luck. Or maybe a mixture of all three.

Indiana Jones
83%
Captain Jack Sparrow
83%
The Amazing Spider-Man
83%
Lara Croft
67%
The Terminator
67%
Neo, the "One"
67%
William Wallace
67%
El Zorro
50%
Maximus
50%
Batman, the Dark Knight
33%
James Bond, Agent 007
33%

Which Action Hero Would You Be? v. 2.0
created with

Superhero Quiz v.2

2005-11-18T18:52:00.000-05:00

Here's mine.

You scored as Maximus. After his family was murdered by the evil emperor Commodus, the great Roman general Maximus went into hiding to avoid Commodus's assassins. He became a gladiator, hoping to dominate the colosseum in order to one day get the chance of killing Commodus. Maximus is valiant, courageous, and dedicated. He wants nothing more than the chance to avenge his family, but his temper often gets the better of him.

Maximus

75%

William Wallace

58%

Neo, the "One"

54%

Indiana Jones

54%

Captain Jack Sparrow

50%

Batman, the Dark Knight

46%

The Amazing Spider-Man

38%

The Terminator

38%

James Bond, Agent 007

33%

Lara Croft

29%

El Zorro

Which Action Hero Would You Be? v. 2.0
created with QuizFarm.com

Superhero Quiz

2005-11-18T14:12:00.000-05:00

You guys have got to try this!

You scored as The Amazing Spider-Man. After
being bitten by a radioactive spider, Peter Parker
was transformed from a nerdy high school student into
New York's greatest hero. Peter enjoys the thrill of
being a super hero, but he struggles with the
burdens of leading a double life. He hopes someday
to win the heart of his true love Mary Jane, the
woman he's loved since before he even liked girls.
Right now, he just wants to make it through college
and pay his bills.

The Amazing Spider-Man

79%

Batman, the Dark Knight

75%

Indiana Jones

71%

William Wallace

71%

James Bond, Agent 007

67%

Neo, the "One"

63%

Maximus

63%

The Terminator

58%

Lara Croft

50%

El Zorro

50%

Captain Jack Sparrow

50%

Which Action Hero Would You Be? v. 2.0
created with QuizFarm.com

COLLEGE CONSPIRACY THEORIES

2005-11-17T12:46:00.000-05:00

The Quest for a New Dormitory

! Situation: St. Joseph’s Dormitory fire: One of the residents was drying an unusual amount of clothes, which caught on fire.

! Purpose: Collect insurance money to build a new dormitory in order to house more people.

! Course of action: Burn down St. Joseph’s Dormitory to collect insurance money.
-- Events
! At 10:00 PM Thursday February 24, 2005, a meeting was held in the basement of St. Joseph’s Dormitory, where the procedure of fire drills was finally laid out for the residents. This was not the only topic of discussion but it was the main topic. The procedure involved getting out of the dormitory as quick as possible to the parking lot. The first dormitory on that part of campus to empty out completely will get a pizza party.
! At 7:30 PM Saturday February 26, 2005, the fire alarm goes off in St. Joseph’s Dormitory and residents start to follow the college evacuation plan. The evacuation plan, which involves running out into the parking lot and watching the building burn down. The residents, instead, took matters into their own hands. They ran downstairs to the laundry room with three dormitory fire extinguishers (all of which worked). In the process of spraying three fire extinguishers in a room filled with smoke, the residents putting out the fire made smoke so thick that they could not see or breathe so they ran out. The Fire Departments in the area came to take the smoldering clothes and the dryer out of the room and clear the smoke out of the dormitory. One of the trucks that came was the ladder truck, proving that the fire was expected to be large. By doing this, the residents foiled the first attempt to burn down the dormitory.
! For foiling this first plan, the students (that could hear the alarm) were punished by being woken up to the fire alarm at 6:00 AM the next morning. The alarm was silenced and not reset. The college then put three replacement fire extinguishers in the dormitory. One on the middle floor, which has a gauge that states that it works, one at the bottom of the steps to the basement, which has a gauge that states that it needs to be recharged, and one in the laundry room, which does not have a gauge (seemingly because it is so old).

! Second Course of Action: Same, this one did not go as far as the first
--Events
! On Saturday March 5, 2005, after getting over the paranoia of the fire alarm the residents find another strange thing happening. The other dryer has started to heat clothes up to unusually high temperatures. The residents quickly spread word about this, stopping use of this dryer by the next day, thereby foiling the second plan to burn down the dormitory. This may be why the other dryer caught the clothes on fire.

! Third Course of Action: Currently unclear
-- Events
! A meeting was held at 10:00 PM on Thursday March 10, 2005 for the girls to talk about the fire drill procedure, as well as the new student center. Notice: the fire in St. Joseph’s Dormitory took place the Saturday after a Thursday meeting on fire drills. The alarm did go off that Saturday before midnight.
! A meeting was held at 10:40 PM on the same day for all male students. The topic was the college student center and raising money to build it. Around 11:00PM when the meeting ended, the students who were there were given door prizes. The prizes for coming to the meeting were small flammable spray cans of body spray. Then knowing what college students would do with flammable spray, the college hopes that one of the residents of St. Joseph’s Dormitory will burn down the building themselves. Also being looked into is the idea that they want the men’s side of campus to burn down one of the girls’ buildings using these spray cans.

! Fourth Course of Action: Turn one of the residents into a pyromaniac. Explanation of the third course of action.
-- Events
! On an unknown day one of the residents, who shall remain nameless, made a flamethrower. On the 12th of April 2005, he was found in front of St. Joseph’s Dormitory with this homemade flamethrower, which consisted of a Super Soaker®, rubbing alcohol, and citronella torch fuel.
! After midnight on the 16th of April 2005, he, along with his accomplices, was found outside of the dormitory heating up the cans of spray mentioned under the third course of action. The warnings on these cans mentioned that they would explode under pressure. The two cans that were used exploded at such a volume that some of the girls heard them on the other side of campus.
! Before midnight on the 17th of April 2005, the same person, along with some of the same along with different accomplices, was found on the soccer field attempting to blow up a Lysol® can.

Fifth Course of Action: Another attempt at the dryer.
-- Events
! On the 24th of April 2005, a note was found on one of the dryers in the basement of St. Joseph’s Dormitory. The note stated that sparks were seen coming from it. Both machines were currently under watch at the time because they were both heating up to high temperatures. The machine that short circuited for some, what is now, unknown reason does not have a ventilation pipe attached to it and has not had one since it was put it in to replace the one that burnt. The person who left the note says that the sparks were coming from the control board.
! On the 12th or 13th of May, Thursday night or Friday morning, the same dryer was found to be extremely hot. This would be because there were no clothes in it. The maintenance people were given a work order to plug the machine beck in and someone apparently thought it would be fun, or was it planned, to turn on the dryer and let it melt down. Do not laugh at that, the one that caught on fire was starting to melt.

Sixth Course of Action: See if people will listen to fire alarm.
-- Events
! The alarm was set off shortly after 4:00 AM Saturday Morning, the 10th of September 2005. According to a mole, who was outside of another dormitory, two unknown people ran out of the dorm at the time the alarm first began. The paranoid veterans, of course, knew how to handle the situation, and as some went to the basement, others looked at the alarm system to see that the detector in the first floor hallway set off the alarm. The students of St. Joseph’s silenced the alarm shortly after checking the dorm and went back to sleep before the fire department came, if they came. This could have something to do with the anticipated arrival of thermite at Christendom. Whether this has something to do with the false alarm or not, it is becoming more apparent is that something is very likely to happen this year. Last semester was the first, but not the last.

Seventh Course of Action: Cause residents to be angry at the writer of this article.
-- Events
! At approximately 6:18 AM on Monday the 7th day of November 2005, the fire alarm once again woke up the residents of St. Joseph’s dormitory. The surprise was, this time the smoke detector in St. Joseph’s room 3 was responsible for the alarm. The only thing that could have set it off would be some steam from the bathroom after a resident of that room had taken a shower, and taking a shower is a normal activity for the residents of room 3. Just now, while I write this at 6:32 AM the alarm is set off again by the same smoke detector. There is nothing in this room, that I can see, that would set off this detector. It is obvious that they are on to me and are trying to shut up the College Conspiracy Theory. Yet more proof that the new dorm is wanted by the school and the insurance money is supposed to go into building it.

Eighth Course of Action: Continuation of seventh to a ridiculous extent
-- Events
! While the residents of St. Joseph’s room 3 were out of the room, on Tuesday November 8, 2005, the fire alarm went off. According to the RA, it went off seven times between the hours of 7:00 and 10:00, and then after the residents returned to the room the alarm stopped. Seven times in three hours is too much to be coincidence, someone is trying to do something. It could be a prank, but the room 3 smoke detector has been what has been going off for the past two days. One time while the residents were in the room and one in the bathroom with the door open. Either they are trying to make the residents in St. Josephs angry with the residents of room 3, or they are trying to make the residents of room three paranoid (this has succeeded).

Ninth Course of Action: Scare the fires of Hell into the residents of St. Joseph Dormitory.
-- Events
! When walking back into the dorm, at about 4:45, the writer of this article smelled smoke in the hallway outside his room. This led him to search the dorm and ask others to join in the search. The search led to the conclusion that there was something wrong with the air-conditioner or heater. This theory was disproved when the partially burnt piece of paper that was causing the smell was found on the message board in the hallway. The identity of the pyromaniac can be guessed but we cannot be sure of whom it is. All that matters is that there is a new pyromaniac roaming around the dorm. It is highly possible that this person is being paid off. This is the third day in a row that something having to do with fire has occurred in St. Joseph’s.

Tenth Course of Action: Make everyone disregard the alarm so they can have the real thing.
-- Events
! The fire alarm technically skipped one day. On Thursday November 10, 2005, the fire alarm went off at 12:10, 12:40, 12:48, 12:58, 2:14, 2:22, 8:02, and 9:15 AM. During the 12:58 to 2:14, time period the proctor and head resident assistant tried to bypass and dismantle the smoke detector in room 3, with permission from the residents in the room. After the 9:15 alarm the detector was removed and left on a desk. This disregards the idea that this could be a prank because during the 10 minute time period one of the residents watched the detector waiting for the red light and whistle to turn on. The residents of room 3 are very tired of this and have considered destroying the detector with a five iron (there has been talk of using a four iron). The residents, after the first alarm, disregarded all the others and just wanted to tear out the detector as much as room 3 did. This tactic will be used to start a fire and make the residents react slowly enough that they will not be able to put out a real fire. At least 6 people have confessed to disregarding the fire alarm.
! The fire alarm company sent someone to fix the problem because they were complaining that they had to call off the fire department so often. The problem was reported to the school but the fire company reacted first (big surprise).
-- Prophecy
! Isaiah 6:11b-13a
- “Until Cities lie waste without inhabitant, and houses without men, and the land is utterly desolate, and the Lord removes men far away, and the forsaken places are many in the midst of the land. And though a tenth remain in it, it will be burned again, like a terebinth or an oak.”
- On the night of the fire the dorms were supposed to lie waste with all men at poetry night and the dorm was to be burned.
- “Though a tenth remain in it, it will be burned again.” This has led me to believe that the next attempt will come when there are few people here. This could be during a Thanksgiving or Easter break.

Eleventh Course of Events: Find how effective popcorn smell can cover up smoke from a real fire.
-- Events
! At 12:08 AM, on the morning of November 11, 2005, the fire alarm went off, once again, in St. Joseph’s dormitory. Residents, who woke up were disgusted by the smell of burn popcorn in the morning. One of the residents, who is a student ambassador at the college, was given a bag of popcorn by the admissions office. This bag of popcorn burned, setting off the smoke detector in the second floor hallway. This has lead me to believe that the admissions office is helping in the conspiracy by working through the room of the person who burned his clothes last semester. The writer of this article took no notice of the alarm until his roommate woke him up, then they left the room to the smell of burnt popcorn. It took around 10 minutes for the smoke to diffuse into the air so the alarm could be reset. The smell then made its way through the ventilation system into most if not all rooms.
Anything else that may happen will be posted after it can be connected to the conspiracy.

The Rambler

2005-11-16T09:46:00.000-05:00

My second Rambler article was published this week. I spent a long time last night talking with Charlemagne and Captain Oblivious, from 8 O'Clock Chaplet. We discussed all the things we want to write articles on. I, for one, would prefer to see the Rambler become a periodical with some intellectual debate, as well as stories and ramblings. Right now, the students don't really have another outlet for written controversial debate. Fortunately, the editors of the Rambler seem to be desperate enough for articles that they don't mind this use of it. It increases material to choose from, and it also increases readers.

Anyway, the heat is on for the Theology papers. Mine is half-done, and is simmering on the stove as I type. I wish I didn't feel like I was cranking out such garbage each time I write a paper. I can get a B+ on a paper that I didn't want to proofread, since it seemed that the paper kept screaming incoherently about a D+.

So it's back to the grindstone. That paper won't write itself, after all!

John

Delhi, India

A Problem

2005-11-14T09:37:00.000-05:00

Most people on campus are gettin pretty psyched up about the upcoming release of the first REALLY COOL Chronicles of Narnia movie ever. What else would you expect from Weta Workshops? In any event, there's a slight snag: everybody wants to see it before going home for break, and the movie doesn't come out until the first day of finals week.

Honestly! Doesn't the movie-making industry check with Catholic colleges of 400-student size to make sure that it comes out at least on a day without tests? Worse, why did the Christendom administration schedule finals week without consulting the upcoming movie release guide? I mean, didn't they see the trailers? Don't they think this is going to be a cool movie?

Oh, well. The professors will just have to watch it on DVD. It'll be out of theaters by the time they finish checking and grading all those tests.

John

Delhi, India

Movie Quotes and Study Groups and Pretty Grades All in a Row...

2005-11-08T22:18:00.000-05:00

The fun part about having four papers due at the same time you have a bunch of tests is... um... well, I guess there isn't one. I have a test in philosophy of human nature tomorrow. Pray for me, please. It's the course that's been giving me the most trouble this semester.

On the flip side, my grades have been getting better and better the less effort I put into them. I think I've ripped a hole in the space-time continuum, that will cause a massive chain reaction that will destroy the universe! Of course, that's just a worst-case scenario. The phenomenon may be limited to Christendom College.

Today I found out that Christendom's sophmore students have the fourth-highest SAT average out of all the Catholic colleges in the country for the class of '08. The only ones ahead of Christendom were Georgetown University, Catholic University of America, and Notre Dame University (though not in that order, specifically). That's right, the only (marginally) nominally Catholic ones. [I know that this may spark some protest from our readers who attend these schools. Sorry. It's just the way I see it. Please complain to Charlemagne. He handles all debates.] TAC came in just behind Christendom. Sorry, guys!

Anyhow, registration for next semester is tomorrow. So much time and so little to do! Wait a moment...

Strike that.

Reverse it.

John

Delhi, India

Clotheslineable.

2005-11-06T21:55:00.000-05:00

The art of clotheslining appears simple to the innocent novice (i.e. freshman) who finds a copy of the Chronicler in his mailbox, reads the bizarre, provocative, or whimsical quotes enshrined therein, and thinks, "This is something I can get in on!" I remember thinking that myself last year. And indeed, it is not hard to pick up a baker's dozen of baffingly odd remarks in a single week at Christendom - if you have a pen about you, which you usually don't. Most clotheslines die on the air and never find immortality in print. Lately, however, the clothesline has been sagging with random bits of discourse that are really unremarkable. People, some advice:

1. If it doesn't condense to something strikingly epigrammatic, it's not a clothesline.

2. If it requires the rarefied camaraderie of Mr. J.'s Theology 101 class to be funny, it's not a clothesline. Not that Mr. J. doesn't say clotheslinable things, but you need to select a quote that can amuse without context.

3. Don't be afraid to edit your quote so that it is more euphonious. (Hey, I'm not pursuing a career in journalism... I like to make things sound good.)

With that said, on to the clotheslines I've gleaned for this week.

"The universe is the teacup ride at Walt Disney World." - Dr. Andres

"Teaching consists in lying to your students in an effective way." - Dr. A.

"I feel like metaphysical ideas are big rocks and I keep throwing them at you." - Dr. A.

"Was it an effective killing? All right!" - Mr. O'H.

"Even before baseball, they knew there was something sacred about the number three." - Dr. S.

"I gotta get the Beatific Vision because it's the greatest show on earth." - Dr. C.

"There is a great image of a guardian angel in the Terminator." - Fr. H.

"God is not a thug." - Dr. M.

"The Holy Spirit doesn't say to the Father and Son, "I'm gonna go... are you guys coming?" - Mr. J.

"What? They didn't have anime in the Middle Ages?!" - Yours Truly.
"No. St. Francis Xavier discovered anime when he went to Japan." - S.B.

"I lost my course syllabus due to the Ablative of Forgetfulness." - J.M. (sundry Latin-crazed students begin laughing maniacally and somewhat desperately.)

"My socks are made by an Alaskan slave boy purchased on Ebay." - M.A.

"I hope you achieve the highest level of friendship with Kate Turabian." - S.W. (Never!)

"Latin isn't dead... it's just in a persistent vegetative state." - J.L.

Medieval Fest

2005-11-01T20:50:00.000-05:00

The most exciting, enjoyable, and anachronistic event of Christendom's year has finally come and gone. Every autumn we have the Medieval Fest, which draws students' families, faculty's children, and a good many random townies.

Just like the real Middle Ages, nothing changes much from year to year at Medieval Fest. The same staple events happen each year, with the same booths, the same odd entertainments, and a very similar-looking pig.

1. The booths: There were face-painting, flower-wreath-making, cookie-decorating, and "hot" cider for all. There was supposed to be a trivia booth, too, although I never actually saw this one. (Was there a weak link somewhere in the chain? Has an irreplaceable tradition failed to be observed? Or was I just too busy running around like a chicken with my head cut off to notice?)

2. The Morality Play: Every year there is a morality play. This year's was entitled "Piers Freshman" and was based off William Langland's inscrutable poem Piers Plowman, which the tormented sophomores were guinea-pigged on this year. The play starred a number of entertaining Christendom characters, such as "Legion of Mary," "Work-study," "Pretty Girl," and "Suffer-Thy-Deans-to-Have-Their-Will-For-If-You-Don't-You'll-Pay-a-Very-Dear-Price-Obey-God-in-All-Things-For-So-His-Word-Teaches."

The actors in the play threw themselves into their roles with spirit and a great deal of uproarious ad-libbing. For example,

DEAN: Grovel!!

PIERS: I am grovelling, O mighty Dean!

The humor of the event, if not the seamlessness, was only increased by the character of GPA getting mixed up and running around from side to side of the stage, making herself look like a complete idiot, but also causing the medieval lords and ladies present to snicker. [P.S. This was me.]

3. The disputatio, or Disputed Question: My hero, Dr. F, our Latin professor, introduced the question for debate: "Whether a person who watches television has a soul?" Dr. A, in the persona of a Muslim (complete with three of his wives), took the affirmative: "The Quran says that every shoe has a sole. But those who watch television may wear shoes. Therefore one who watches television may have a soul."

Mr. B, who appeared to be dressed as Thomas More in a fur surcoat and odd hat, took the negative: "On the contrary, Averroes states, 'May one who makes a pun spend eternity gnawing on wormy camel hooves."

Dr. A, the "Ishmaelite dog" (as Dr. F referred to him), was forced to yield his point. His wives retired, hissing.

[Editorial note: I am currently striving to obtain a copy of the whole disputatio. It put the gentle audience in stitches.]

4. Madrigal choir: I am afraid I missed this part. But reports are coming in that it was good. This is a choir that sings medieval songs a cappella, in parts.

5. Juggling: I missed this too. I believe it is a "modern" addition to the festivities.

6. The Pig Roast/Ode to the Pig: The pig (or pigs, in our modern college that requires two pigs to feed everyone) is roasted the night before, at a huge bonfire, accompanied with music ancient and modern. A few brave souls keep vigil over it as it cooks all night and all the following day. A short time before dinner on the day of the festival, the pigs were brought to the middle of the crowd to appear before those they were to feed. They are traditionally given the name of a heretic (because they are burned). Then follows the "Ode to the Pig," a poem addressed to the pig and explaining why they named said pig after the heretic they did.

7. Eating of the Pig: Ick. I did not participate in this part.

8. Dance: Everyone gets to dance in their medieval costumes. I danced with a seven-year-old who resembled a young King Arthur.

Meredith has the pictures on her blog.

Calvin and Hobbes

2005-10-27T10:15:00.000-05:00

Well, they don’t jump off of roofs with sheets around their shoulders, but the younglings I spent yesterday afternoon with were certainly a lively bunch. You see, my roommate baby-sits for one of the professors on Monday afternoons, but she was sadly taken with a sore throat and couldn’t make it. Being the sweet and generous soul that I am, however, I offered to take her place and watch the little darlings myself. Boy, did I get a show.

The first thing that happened when I arrived was a general putting on of shoes. You see, then its been raining and the temperature has not gotten above 45 degrees in the last four days, wearing shoes while playing outside is usually considered a good thing. Yeah. Anyway, we all put on our shoes and I got to (slowly) accustom myself to the crown, which moved at a rate of velocity roughly equivalent to that of electrons. I could have sworn when I arrived there were ten heads running around that yard, in various sizes, and stages of undress. “Maddie, put you shirt on.” Anyway, after a while the movement slowed to light speed and I began learning names, connecting faces, and getting a more accurate boy count.

There were only nine.

The fifteen, fourteen, and twelve year olds took care of themselves. They found food (all boys) and trooped upstairs to promptly be quiet for the ensuing two hours. That left me six. Twins age of ten (boys), a seven, a five (both boys), a three, and a one (both girls). Hoo-boy. The really fun part was when they had me guess all their middle names (each ahs two). I had the first names given to me by mom and they were pretty easy, being largely drawn from the canon of the Mass. However, the saints in the middle were a little more obscure. I felt somewhat uneducated when I was guessing name number four.

“This saint talked to the fish and when he died everything shriveled up but his tongue.”

Turned out, it was St. Anthony of Padua. Cool. Only a ten-year-old boy could find it in his unsqueamish little heart to give the babysitter that clue. I guessed most of the rest of them with ease, though, once some obscure feature was trotted out for my guessing aid and enjoyment. These are really well-rounded kids, man! I mean, the next thing that happened was a play production, of all things. They sat me down in the darkened bedroom (bunk beds make a better puppet theatre than any other article of furniture have ever seen) got all the little ones quiet, and a ten and a seven performed A Midsummer Night’s Dream. It went like this:

Mickey Mouse: Hello, everyone! I’m here to introduce our play, Midsummer Night’s Dream, and the star of the show, Donald Duck.
[enter Donald, left]
Donald Duck: Hello!
MM: Okay, let’s begin!
[exit Mickey right, Donald left]
[enter Donald, lies down and begins to snore]
[enter Mickey, with Lincoln Log gun]
MM: Wake up, Donald! It’s time to go hunting!
DD: Oh, boy!
[produces Lincoln Log gun from thin air]
DD: Let’s go this way!
[they hunt up left, down right]
MM: Nope, let’s try the other way!
[hunt up right, down left]
DD: There’s something!
[sounds of gunfire, giant stuffed duck enters center, quite dead]
MM: Yay! Let’s cook him!
DD: Yeah!
[they cook the duck and eat him, duck exit up]
MM: Time to throw out the bones!
[various Lincoln Log bones are spewed forth from the stage into the audience. One-year-old’s face covered by babysitter]
DD: That was great!
[exit Mickey, scene change, Donald sleeping]
DD: (waking up) Wow. What a great dream that was!
[enter Mickey]
MM and DD: The End! (bow)
[curtain]

I kid thee not. I’m going to write a paper on it for my Shakespeare class someday. It was just too rich. Anyway, I recovered from that to my immense self-satisfaction, no diaphragm muscles were damaged, and we moved on to something slightly less edifying, yet still culturally rich. Catholic Simon Says. This disintegrated into a tickling party after a while, though, so we got up and decided to play the piano. This was the miracle bit. Each one of the noisy, rambunctious, excitable little guys say down in some manner or another (theoretically the feet should be closer to the ground than the head, but I’m not picky) and watched me play the piano. I sight read a Chopin Waltz for them, played the first movement of the Moonlight Sonata for them, and then (really impressive) did the Pink Panther Theme. That was their favorite.

In fact, when mom got home that was the first thing she was told.

“Mom she plays Pink Panther!”
“He’s wearing my shoes even though they’re to big and I can’t wear his make him give them back!”
“Can I go to Cameron’s house?
“No, I didn’t finish my school!”
“I’d hadded a dordy diaper, mommy!”
“Aaaaaaa burble burble.”
“And she’s the first babysitter we’ve had who was good at piano and she’s the weirdest babysitter we’ve ever had and she’s left handed!”

I think I made an impression. Mom asked me if I’d come armed when I return on Monday to watch them again.

Clothesline Christendomiensis (Christendom Quotes)

2005-10-25T21:07:00.000-05:00

Wow, I haven't done this for a while...

Rome Clothesline

"Now doesn't that just raise your heart and mind to Zeus?" - G.T.

"It tastes like American toast, but it's stale in a different way." - G.T.

"It's the Pope's fault that you don't have the packet." - Msgr. C.

"If you're chopped up, I figure it's harder for God to put the pieces back together at the Last Judgement." - G.L.

"I'd like to go back to the Mamertine Prison." - K.G.
"Yes, it was quite captivating." - M.B. (Groan!)

Stateside

"Here we have oneness, transcendence and providence; here we have Walter and foreign DVDs!" - Mr. J.

"I can't have negative ounces of beer, can I?" - Dr. T. (Imagine all of his quotes in a thick New Zealand accent.)

"In the spiritual life we conform ourselves to Christ; in geometry we conform ourselves to Euclid." - Dr. T.

"Our God is not like the other gods, a nuclear reactor god, on whom we can push ritualistic buttons!" - Mr. J.

"When you think of iambic pentameter, think of John Wayne." - Dr. K.

"Some of you bad people have been hanging out in the median of I66..." - Dr. A.

"I think the Blessed Virgin Mary was a pretty smart gal... She was a Jewish mama!" - Mr. J.

"Let's falsify the truth in order to clarify our understanding." - Mr. O'H.

"Ladies and gentlemen, your Latin word for today is Bozo, which means clown in English. I'm sorry, I don't know the Latin word for superhero." - Mr. S.

"Here I am, talking about something serious and here behind me are these silly drawings making me look silly!" - Mr. J.

"You never know what's going to happen in Mr. Janaro's Theology 101 class. It's like walking into a Catholic Twilight Zone." - M.W.

"I want to be a bovine masseuse." - K.D.

"So, which do we choose - honor, wealth, or freedom?" - Dr. A.
"Chocolate!" - M.W.

"Master Yoda wasn't in this story." - Mr. S.

"Can you sing us a hippie song?" - Anon.
"I don't want to talk about that part of my life." - Mr. J.

"I wasn't born a philosopher king!" - Dr. A.

"This class is drunk with religion." - Dr. O'D.

"They didn't have any decades in Canada... all they did was go outside with the cows." - Mr. J.

Houston, We Have Landed

2005-10-21T11:05:00.000-05:00

One small step for bull, one giant leap for Bovine kind.

Baal 11 (January 1, 1973), the first cowed mission to the moon in history, took place shortly after the end of the Apollo missions December 19, 1972. The landing of man on the moon led the way for a few Houston, Texas longhorns. Feeling that it would be incorrect for the American flag to be placed on the moon because it could take away Texas’ part in the landing, especially if Texas decides to succeed in the future, they placed the Texas flag on the moon. This, as can be seen, is forever memorialized in the Houston Intercontinental Airport.

Since so much came out of the Apollo program, the Baal program did not have the same troubles as the former Apollo problems; the missions had little problems and ended after Baal 11 landed. The first 10 missions were mainly training missions.

Randym Reflexions: Being Handicapped

2005-10-18T02:31:00.000-05:00

Sometimes, you find something that raises your expectations of and for humanity. What does that have to do with being handicapped? Well, hang on. I want to ramble a bit.

It’s interesting seeing how my life is changing due to being handicapped. I have a harder time cleaning up, for one -- I’d never thought about how many times one has to bend one’s knee in order to pick up a mess of clothes off the floor. My speed going up and down stairs varies with how my leg is feeling; sometimes I’m almost normal, others I feel like an old man.

You know that little urge you get when you know you’re not supposed to do something and yet you want to do it? Like when you pass a car accident and you want to look at it, but you know you shouldn’t gawk. Well, I know I shouldn’t get up and walk if I don’t need to, and yet I want to. It’s an interesting feeling, considering how lazy I am at heart. Maybe I’m less lazy than naturally contrary. (No I’m not. Yes I am. Never mind.)

On the other hand, I qualify for the best parking spaces. I don’t have my own tags, but I checked with the local law enforcement -- I can use my mom’s for now. I do need to apply for my own permits, though; hopefully I can do that over Christmas break.

It’s also rather interesting to see how many people will open a door for me. Some people will look at me strangely, probably wondering why an early-twenties six-foot-four man is using a cane. Many more will stand aside and hold a door, ranging from old ladies to twelve year old kids that don’t stop yakking on their cell phones. One time, Sunday evening, I was leaving a small restaurant and three guys who look like gang members come to the door; they stop when they see me and hold the door for me. I hesitated, because I couldn’t believe that someone who looked so dangerous would be so kind. They didn’t budge, and just politely waited for me to exit first.

That made me stop and think about things. Now, the area I was in is a hotbed of liberalism, and has been staked out by DNC reps, PETA protesters, and self-proclaimed "revolutionary artists." It’s also frequented by patients from Walter Reed Army Medical Center, just over the line into DC. These men come there with their legs and arms missing, visiting the many restaurants, the movie theaters, or the bookstore. Now that I think back on it, these men are never disrespected, or at least not that I’ve seen. Do the people at the doors think I’m one of them? Or is it just that these people, with the example of a man learning to eat with his new prosthetic hand, have come to notice those worse off then themselves?

If they think I’m one of them, then I feel guilty. I’m not one of those guys -- I’m not some brave soldier or Marine who lost a limb for someone’s freedom. My mobility is restricted because of genetic accident; their loss -- a much more complete loss than mine -- has a much greater meaning. Just today I passed an army noncom who had both legs blown off, one above the knee; he was walking on two artificial legs, leaning on a staff.

But sometimes it takes people getting extreme examples before they notice the more "normal" folks like me. Maybe that’s just it. I hope so.

I haven’t been out and about in any other places just yet, so I don’t know if it’s a local thing or not. I suspect it is, though. I’ve gone with my mother many times all over the area, and even though she’s much more handicapped than me, she doesn’t often get that same help or kindness. Now, granted, often I’ve been with her, and so strangers wouldn’t need to lend a hand; however, my mother usually mentions kind strangers to me, people who’ve helped her when she was out alone, because she finds them so rare.

Or perhaps I’m just blowing a few door-holdings out of proportion. But really, when your knee, ankle, and foot are all hurting, your other leg and your arm are aching from taking the load, and you’re holding shopping bags in the other hand -- well, it’s nice to see a perfect stranger holding the door for you. This is especially nice when it’s in an area where you’ve encountered so many negative attitudes.

Randym Reflexions: On History

2005-10-12T21:26:00.000-05:00

Too often, history is taught simply as a timeline: names and dates are quoted at students, who simply memorize them and return them on a test without really understanding it. Well, yes, history is linear. And yes, it's important to get it in order. However, to fully understand the whys of history, one must know the circumstances surrounding a given event.

"Why?" is not a scientific question, however, and is subject to an observer's opinion. The scientific questions for any subject, including history, are "What," "Where," "When," and "Who." Each of these can be proven, given the appropriate evidence. "Why" is and will remain an opinion, not fact.

However, history is not a series of impersonal events of social change, where humans are mere pawns with no impact peculiar to the individual. History was invented as a subject of study in order to teach people what has gone before, what to do better or to emulate. It was, in fact, a method of moral instruction.

History is not simply dates and names placed in a particular order. This is memorization, not understanding. It requires additional information to make that jump. One also has to learn about the times in which an historical figure lived in order to comprehend what might have been going through that person's mind. To put it another way, to understand "Why?" we must first wonder "Why not?"

Alternate history remains, in mainstream opinion, a field of layabout amateur historians simply describing opposites in history, such as the South winning the Civil War. Such speculations seem to have no intellectual depth, remaining simple fiction to be ignored by the true historian. In reality, alternate history can be a deeply researched field which examines pivotal points in history, examining different possibilities and what-ifs. By doing so, one can realize how certain events unfolded the way they did.

For example, take the spread of Christianity through the Roman Empire. The easy spread from city to city depended on the system of roads and communication. Then if one looks back to the last war with Carthage, one finds that without defeating that power, Rome would not have expanded to Jerusalem, much less built its famed road system. At best, Rome would have remained a western Mediterranean power, while Carthage's connections with its parent Phoenician lands would have allowed that city-state to be part of a confederation, if not an empire, in the eastern Mediterranean. In addition, Carthage's religious attitudes were even more hostile to the values of Christianity than Rome was. When one considers this, and the many other variables, it becomes an obvious part of God's plan for Rome to defeat Carthage.

The above example is inspired by Anne Carroll's Christ the King, Lord of History. It is the only place I have found a true "historical speculation" in a history text, and in fact this speculation on Carthage's defeat as part of the coming of Christ is also the inspiration for my position on alternate history as a whole.

When one moves from pure memorization to active speculation, from dry lists to searching after a hidden reason, true understanding of history can be found. If not, then history seems to be simple coincidence, an inevitability and predetermination that, if truly considered, only an atheist can accept.

Why ask Why?

2005-10-06T18:28:00.000-05:00

Silence.

That word seems to play such a large role in my vocabulary. On the one hand, it's every dorm-resident's wish at 2 AM or when trying to understand Aristotle. (I don't know about you, but I just can't comprehend him while there's any noise. It still takes me half an hour to get through a single page.)

Unfortunately, silence is also what I hear from the Muses right now. With all this quiet, I find myself reflecting on things. Aside from the usual questions that bounce about my head, there are several others that come to the forefront of my mind:

"Why are Charlemagne's posts so long?"
"Why does he always have double-digit comments on each post?"
"Why to hot dogs come in packages of ten and hot dog buns only come in packages of eight?"
"Who says you can't take a shower without putting the curtain in the tub?"
"Why are people so obsessed with monkeys?"
"Why did Darwin think of evolution when he had a beard?"
"Why don't monkeys have beards?"

All these thoughts congeal into a not-quite-homogenous blob (blog?). It always comes about when asking these questions that I get a vision of Charlemagne and Darwin duking it out on the comments board over a post concerning hot dog buns taking a shower without putting the curtain in the tub. It's also very close to a sentiment concerning psychotic monkeys going on a whisker-stealing spree.

I love silence.

Socrates thought that the best way to learn was by asking questions. I heard that his student, Play-Doh, was the man who first invented the questionairre. But I digress.

Charlemagne would challenge Darwin to a duel. Darwin could not accept, which is a pity since the monkeys were really hoping to steal his whiskers off of him should he lose. And so Charlemagne would write a scathing article outlining the evils of monkeys, shaving and hot dogs.

And all will be right on Fiddleback.

Of course, it will probably be too quiet here.

John

Delhi, India

A Tale to be Forgotten...

2005-10-06T08:10:00.000-05:00

The Christendom College Drama Department Presents:

Trellis & Croissant

A dramatic tale of love and betrayal set in the ancient days of the Trojan War. A presentation based on the beloved work of Geoffrey Chaucer.

Co-Starring:

Panda-rus

News Ticker >dot< >dot< >dot<

2005-10-06T07:54:00.000-05:00

Taday's salsa: mild, with showers expected.

Oktoberfest went over without a hitch this past week, many pumpkins were distributed. Distributist club ecstatic.
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Club day was a slight failure, as only about ten people showed interest. All of those ten were already involved in the clubs. The SAC has decided to have a "do-over" today at lunch.
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In other news, the midterm moose has been sighted behind St. Joseph's dorm. Scientists suggest that the dangerous moose-bite is the reason for the nasty cold that has been circulating around campus.
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Sports:
*Midterms wallop Students, somewhere around 14,000-2.*Students defeat themselves in double-header, 0-0. *Christendom volleyball scores reach all time low: refinance today!*
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Drama:
Fall play changes again; Spring play shrouded in mystery. Scarlet Pimpernel cast still desperate for costume money; have taken to selling cookies on shady street corners.
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Father Heisler leads 'exodus' of freshman class to Chapel Crypt; finds that there are no dead people in the "crypt".
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Seniors dress up Freshmen day: like Christmas morning, except with sort of an "uhhhhh..." instead of an "ooooooo!".
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Spirit Week in full swing; Fr. O'Keilty asked to perform college exorcism.
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Mr. O'Herron tells anecdotes of college roommates; students in stitches for days.
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East-West day will be particularly bad this year, Civil War analysts say.
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This News Ticker was late by a day becase Blogger was down. That's all for news today.

John

Delhi, India

Clothesline Christendomiensis

2005-09-25T17:09:00.000-05:00

"Sometimes the gods would have little romances with mortals. I had one just the other day. It was quite embarrassing." - Dr. K.

"So... Aeneas was really just Trojan trailer trash?" - S.F.

"Paved roads are bad." - Dr. F.

"Strike down that hedge-trimmer!" - Dr. F. (I'm sensing a pattern here.)

"St. Catherine of Sienna was the Henry Kissenger of the 14th century." - Dr S.

"Three drunk Irishmen in a pub - that's the historical present." - Dr. F. ("So I says to meself, Fabius Maximus me lad, we're never going to win against those bloody elphants...")

"My favorite 'usual punishment' is being put in a bag with a feret and thrown off a cliff." - Dr. F.

"Doesn't Dr. Fahey remind you of an older Napoleon Dynamite?" - C.T.

"Liturgical dancing has its place." - F.G.

"Women are men, also." - Mr. O'H.

"Now, don't take this out of context. I am God." - Mr. O'H.

"I speed, but I prudently speed." - Mr. B.

"No man-izing!" - Dr. S. (Yeah, it's so sexist that we only say "womanizing!")

"I don't know the rules here because I don't need to." - Mr. B.

"St. Thomas is in the water here." - Mr. B.

"Hmmm, is that what the pink is?" - L.C.

"Adultery is not part of hospitality." - Dr. R.

"Triangles aren't as real as squirrels." - Dr. B.

And this is so totally Christendom...

"Are you reading while brushing your teeth?" - J.L.
"Yeah." - S.W.
"Are you reading the Summa while brushing your teeth?" - J.L.
"Yeah." - S.W.

News Ticker >dot< >dot< >dot<

2005-09-21T11:32:00.000-05:00

Today's menu: Christendom a la Tex-Mex food.

Today's menu coincides woth the Red Cross blood drive. This means you can give away blood AND get heartburn on the very same day.
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In sports news, the Sophmore Theology Research Paper is due tomorrow. Sophmores are scrambling to pick a paper topic. Thus far: Paper 17, Students 0.
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In politics, the students are still trying to convince the Christendom administration to allow a 7:30 AM Mass on Sundays. Leaving students to explain to upset visitors why the dorm Mass schedules are not accurate a mere three weeks after their promulgation is becoming very embarrasing.
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The latest breakthrough in science at Christendom is coming from Ed, a sophmore who is living at the furthest away dorm and is creating a substance akin to Greek fire. He has gotten job offers from several citadel-seige companies, but has elected to finish his education.
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On this day in history, a guy named Bob learned the secret to getting strikes while bowling on every frame. He tragically died before he could divulge the secret to anybody.
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In other news, a college-based tie company has unveiled the plans for the "Dr. O'Donnell Tie", a tie with the versatility of being worn straight down the front or over the shoulder. Hundreds of orders for the garment followed the release.
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Last week, the College Republicans voted by a narrow margin to buy an elephant as a club mascot. After SAC funding was denied on the grounds that the funds were needed for an obscure, low-attendance dance event, a motion to change the choice to a goldfish was almost unanimously passed. Nominations of members for a comittee to clean the tank will be forthcoming.
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The Wojtyla-Ratzinger Film Club will meet once again on Thursday. In an act of desperation, they have taken to kidnapping random freshmen to fill meetings as regular members show no interest in actually making movies. There is a campus-wide shortage on duct tape because of this.
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The Fiddleback News Ticker has decided to try and give The Christendom Chronicler a run for its money. That's all for news today.

John

Delhi, India

Clothesline Christendomiensis

2005-09-18T14:24:00.000-05:00

The very first of the year. Hopefully we'll get some jucier quotes in the coming weeks, but here is the first drawing-off, such as it is.

(I'm being sour because they mangled my Dr. Fahey quote in the Chronicler. Hmf! You, my delightful and discriminating digital readers, will get the real quote.)

"Front Royal girls are bigger and badder than you guys!" - Mr. B.

"The Fahey way is the lazy way." - Dr. F.

"So the sacred geese saved the city of Rome from... handball." - Dr. F. (Not any old geese, editor people, sacred geese. You see, those Celts who were creeping up the Capitoline Hill wanted to impose a certain Irish game beloved of Dr. O'Donnell on the Romans. Fortunately they were foiled by the sacred geese.)

"If you know Latin, Greek and German, you are very rarely confused." - Mr. J.

"Yes, I am a gourd." - Dr. C.

"My brain hurts, therefore I am." - E.B.

"Look at this chalk. Watch it... but the chalk in my hand lives a life tremendously more vital and exciting. I have empowered the properties of chalkness!" - Mr. J.

"I just wish the Holy See had a nuclear arsenal... we could get so much territory back." - Dr. M.

"Mountain-men eat brownies!" - P.P.

"We Germans like going to Paris from time to time." - Anon. (but whaddya wanna bet it's Dr. S.?)

"Darn that Quintus Fabius, darn him!" - Dr. F. (Ha ha, booya Hannibal!)

"I was like a widow, desperate for men." - Dr. P. (Um... I'm assuming he's refering to his recruiting efforts for the schola?)

"Pope Benedict XVI rocks the world." - Fr. H.

"So in the book of Job, God is breaking the ice with Satan? Ha! A Dante reference." - Dr. O'D.

"You're all such... Catholics." - Dr. O'D. (no suprise there!)

Birthday Celebration

2005-09-16T18:44:00.000-05:00

1 year of Fiddleback Fever.

On this day in 2004, the Cow Pope made his first appearance. Thanks to all!

John

Delhi, India

Duel of the Fates PS:

2005-09-15T18:16:00.000-05:00

One of these factions, as can be seen in the picture, is made up of the squirrels that were trained by Bushytail himself in the ways of the farm. These squirrels were of trained here in the Shenandoah Valley to fight the ASC. The flying squirrels were brought in for air support. Plans however have changed and inter-species relations are becoming non-existent.

R. T. Sender
~ Investigator

Duel of the Fates

2005-09-14T08:28:00.000-05:00

Schism is a funny thing. Now that the squirrels have splintered off, they've all gone nutty and have several other factions. Some of these factions claim that Bushytail was not validly elected, since he was not declared by a council. These factions are planning to have their own treetop pontiffs soon. Others were condemned by the squirrel-pope last Monday, on the grounds that they believe in a mystical, all-pervading force-field presence that has deigned to make Bushytail pope.

Needless to say, the battle is on.

Squirrels never do things halfway. In the great words of Howard Tayler, "When the going gets tough, the tough call in close air support."

Yes, it's grisly out here. We wonder how it will turn out. We'll keep you updated.

John

Delhi, India

Italian Night, mark 2

2005-09-13T19:01:00.000-05:00

This post marks the beginning of my second year on Fiddleback. The first post I ever wrote was about last year's Italian Night, and it was on the strength of that post, written out on the back of some philosophy notes, that I was invited to join.

(To attentive readers: yes, I admit it was not the first I posted. "Legend of the Founding of the Blog" holds that title. But "Viva Italia" was the first I wrote.)

This year had somewhat less insanity. Perhaps I'm just inured to it now. I know for certain there were no suds in the fountain. There was a Virginia reel, but that just doesn't seem so wild to me as it used to. As for the dancing barefoot under the stars, what in the world is odd about that?

The Irish Mafia lives on. Da boss may kill me for this, but you, my faithful readers, deserve the truth.

Another member has been added to the family: Charlemagne, the heir apparent.

Some fun was had even by us elderly, jaded sophomores. A number of the most educated, cultured sophomore men, joined by a straight-faced, Thomistic junior, danced something like the cha-cha to "So Happy Together." Later on they did the wine bottle dance from Fiddler on the Roof.

Yes, we're a year older, but no sign of us getting any wiser.

Fortunately.

Bashir Gemayel: 23 Years Later

2005-09-11T14:51:00.000-05:00

Wednesday, September 14, will be the Feast of the Exaltation of the Holy Cross, when faithful Christians commemorate the rescue of the True Cross from Persian raiders by the Emperor Heraclius in 628, a mere six years after the founding of Islam by Mohammed.

It is a militant holiday, one often glossed over by priests and theologians today. Nontheless, it is an important day, one that reminds us that we, as Chrisitans, have a duty to defend the Cross, with our lives and blood if necessary.

However, the 14 of September is also the anniversary of the death of Bashir Gemayel, the President-Elect of Lebanon who was assassinated by Syrian terrorists nine days before his inaguration. His story remains an example of heroism and sacrifice for those who would seek to establish justice in the Middle East.

Bashir Gemayel was born on November 10, 1947 in Bikfaiya, Lebanon, the son of Pierre Gemayel, the famous Lebanese politician. Erudite and athletic, Pierre Gemayel was part of the Lebanese Olympic Team at the 1936 Olympics in Berlin. A devout Maronite, he was distrubed by Hitler's racism and paganism, but saw much to admire in his economic system, which had been successfully implemented in Italy, Spain, Portugal, Austria, and Lithuania. Taking his inspiration especially from Jose Antonio Primo de Rivera's Spanish Falange, he returned to Lebanon convinced that the only way stability and independence could be had for his country was for a corporate economic system, and a strong leader to oversee it. To acheive this, he founded the Kata'eb, or the Lebanese Phalangist Party. It's motto was "God, Fatherland, Family"; it's goal, a free and independent Lebanon.

After expelling the French, the Phalange formed a militia which was responsible for subduing a Muslim insurrection in 1958. This led to an overthrow of the corrupt and militarilly weak government of Prime Minister Karami, and the rise of Gemayel to the new four-man cabinet, in a move known to Phalangist as the "Counter-Revolution."

Bashir was the youngest of six, and the most charismatic. He joined the Student Section of his father's party in 1962. He studied law and political science at St. Joseph's University in Beirut, graduating in 1971. During his college years, he wrote articles for the school paper detailing clashes between the liberal, pro-Syrian and pro-Palestinian elements on campus, and the conservative nationalists. He also taught civics at the local high school, the first of his many public services to the people of Lebanon.

After graduation, he was named Inspector of the Kataeb Regular Forces, the military wing of the Phalange. He passed the bar exam in 1975, during a turbulent time in Lebanese history. The PLO had been leading bomb attacks on Israeli border, fleeing to Lebanon where they had strong support. In Syria, the Syrian Social Nationalist Party was advocating a creed of "pan-Arabism," whereby all Arab countries where to be united to form one country to drive out Jewish and Christian influence. Doubtless the Gemayel's, remembering the father's account of his time in Berlin, saw in this a rehash of Hitler's "pan-Germanic" ambitions. When Lebanon refused to submit to Syrian rule, war broke out in April, 1975. At this time, knowing they could expect no help from the corrupt government, Bashir united the Kataeb Regulars with other Maronite militias, forming the Lebanese Forces. With Bashir as its commander-in-chier, it's goal would be the expulsion of the Syrian occupiers, and the protection of Lebanon.

One bright moment came into Gemayel's life in 1977, when he married Solange Toutoungi. Their marriage would be blessed with two children, Maya and Nadim.

A year later, he led the LF in the "100 Days War," which expelled Syrian forces from two key neighborhoods in Beirut. In 1980, two-year-old Maya was killed by a car bomb that had been meant for her father.

In the midst of the fighting, Bashir Gemeyal always had the future of Lebanon in mind. As such, he made the Lebanese Forces more than just a paramilitary. They also provided security to the Maronites of Lebanon, as well as electricity, food,water, plumbing, sewage collection, and road maintainence. He knew that when the war was over, his men would need more than combat experience to govern the country. His dreams included a parliamentary democracy with a strong executive branch which would keep Lebanon safe from her numerous enemies. He also called for a balanced media, a better educational system, an honest judicial system, religious toleration for Muslims, and an organized military. Nothing explicitly Catholic, apparently, but take a closer look. The call for a strong government, like those of Franco in Spain and Salazar in Protugal, was one of the building blocks of the Spanish Falange. A balanced media and honest judiciary are certainly points that any Catholic should support, none more so than that great 20th Century reformer, Hilaire Belloc. Also, Catholics, while recognizing that they alone hold the fullness of truth, are called to respect (not endorse) their lost brethren of other religions, in order to present to them the Gospel, as Christ commanded us to do.

"This new Lebanon must be created by Christians and Muslims alike; with love, trust, and unity." -Bashir Gemayel, September 8, 1982

By 1981, Gemayel had virtual control not only over the LF, but also over the Phalange as well. So, in 1982, he entered the presedential election, being elected by an overwhelming majority on August 23, 1982. Sadly, his dream was not to be born in his lifetime. On September 14, after returning from a speech at his sister's convent, Gemayel arrived at the Kataeb Headquarters for their weekly Tuesday meetings. Upon his inaguration, he intended to resign as head of the Kataeb, and wished to say thank-you and goodbye to his old comrades. During the meeting, a bomb exploded, reducing the three story building to rubble. Bashir Gemayel was dead at the age of 34.

Bashir's brother Amin was chosen to take his place, but unfortunately he lacked the charisma, political know-how, and military experience of his brother. In 1988, after finishing his term of office, he and his family fled the country.

With Bashir's death, the LF and Kataeb were thrown into disarray, and the only forces capable of holding the Syrian occupation at bay were gone. They pretty much became puppets of their Israeli "allies," while the government remained in the hands of corrupt, pro-Syrian officials. Fortunately, in 1985, Dr. Samir Geagea took command of the Lebanese Forces, expelling the pro-Syrian beuracrats who had taken over, and renewed the independence movement. In 1989, he was given an ultimatum; submit to Syrian rule, go into exile, or face life imprisonment. He chose imprisonment.

The future for Lebanon today looks brighter today than it has for a long-time. Israeli forces pulled out in 2000, and earlier this spring, Syrian occupational forces finally pulled out of Lebanon, after 30 years. They also released Dr. Geagea from prison. Another ray of hope is in Bashir's son, Nadim Gemayel, who entered the realm of Lebanese politics in 2004, and shows every promise of having his father's charisma and leadership.

It is my opinion that a Christian Lebanon is the one great hope for the Middle East. A free and just society cannot be formed in a Muslim country, and the Israelis have long ago abandoned their religious heritage, succumbing to an ugly cultural elitism and nationalism. Bashir Gemayel displayed the Crusading heritage of his forefathers through his courage and leadership; he was also a loving husband and father, a devout son of the Church, a true father of his country. May he remain an inspiration for all of us.

"Freedom without anarchy, economic planning without government control, production that will produce equity, justice and equal oppurtunity with a partnership between the Government Management and Labor." -Bashir Gemayel, May 1, 1982

Onward Christian soldiers, marching as to war,

With the Cross of Jesus going as before.

Christ the royal master guards against the foe,

Forward into battle, see His banners go.

Excowmunication of the Squirrel Pope and All Followers

2005-09-07T19:52:00.000-05:00

As can be seen form the above picture a crisis has formed. Some squirrels have gone too far and separated from the Bovine Church. This is a sad day because most of these squirrels were great examples to all non-bovine members of the Bovine Church. It is believed that all has happened because of St. Scurrius, though other sources have said that the ASC (Anti-squirrel Coalition) has been spreading false information among the friendly squirrels. This has gone beyond the Europa ordeal because the ordination of a squirrel is ontologically impossible. However, we hope that it will end quicker and better.

Pope Bushytail “as he calls himself” has declared that all teachings of the Bovine Church are incorrect, and is in the process of bringing the squirrels to the Squirrel Church for a full union of all squirrels. He has taken up residence somewhere in a tree in the Shenandoah Valley and is deep in hiding from the ASC road agents that are still around. As can be seen later from the Baggage Boy’s post, the squirrels are also in training to defeat, once and for all, the ASC. What the squirrels will do with their army, should they win, is still unknown and feared by some. The sheep that returned have offered their full support in defense of the Cow Pope should they be needed.

This will in no way conflict with the Cownization of St. Scurrius, even though they are claiming him as their patron saint and martyr. This claim cannot stand for long because St. Scurrius followed all specifications needed for the Bovine Church. If Anti-Pope Bushytail is claiming the teachings of the Cow Church incorrect, then they are claiming that the beliefs of St. Scurrius were incorrect.

R. T. Sender
~ Investigator

Fiddleback Under Attack

2005-09-03T12:29:00.000-05:00

We've undergone the equivalent of a spammer Pearl Harbor. It's my sad duty to tell all you fans out there that I'm tightening security in response to spambots on our comments. We are now using the Blogger word verification, which will require you to type out numbers/letters you see in a picture to be able to post a comment. If the spammers still get through, the next step is to reserve comments to Blogger members only, and after that to close down comments entirely.

I hope it doesn't go that far.

John

Delhi, India

THE FIGHT OF THE CENTURY!!!!

2005-08-31T11:53:00.000-05:00

Laaaadiiiieeeesss and Gentelmeeeeennnnnn!!! Tonight, for your boxing pleasure, allow me to present your stars!!!

In this corner, weighing 235 pounds of iron will, determination, courage, and monster-slaying all-around good guy-ishness, Beowulf!!!

And in this corner, over 300 pounds of unadulterated muscle, prowess, and power, the hero of the ages, Achilles!!!!

Let's get ready to rumble!!!

(Current odds are 3 to 1 in favor of Achilles. Who will win?)

So, God hits the 'Smite' button.

2005-08-28T18:28:00.000-05:00

Well, that's what the homily said today. It was a great moment in ecclesiastical history, if you ask me. Father talks about how we're all called to carry the cross, and how life can be really hard sometimes, and all this other stuff. Then he says, sometimes, God seems to have just picked out our name from all of the other creation and hit the 'smite' button.

I laughed.

At 7:30 this morning, it was funny and touching when he said, "I only tell this story once a year," and went on to tell a beautiful tale about a priest who was incarcerated for protesting outside an abortion clinic.

At 10:00 this morning, it was really funny (and not as touching, I'm sorry to say--what a heretic I am) that he said, "I only tell this story once a year," then went on to tell the same story again.

Everything is funny.

I need to stop going to Mass more than once a day. It does odd things to me. The Man of God labours and strives to be inspired by the Holy Spirit in his writing of a homily, in order that he might enlighten the minds and encourage the hearts of all those who hear him. He did a good job this morning, and my perniciousness in attending two Masses and hearing twice a homily meant to be heard once....well, that's just my perniciousness.

I don't think I spelled that word right. I'm wanting to look it up, but someone has fixed the toolbar on this computer so that I am unable to view it when in a program. Besides, I'm lazy. I'll leave it to one of the other blog members to hopefully spot the error and fix it. (There are, btw, no less than four of us in the room at this very moment. An unprecedented gathering of [nit]wits.)

That was unfair. I'm a nitwit, yes. John is...John. Sheila is someone who actually speaks Elvish tongues. That should speak for itself. Charlemagne is...I'm not sure. At the moment, he's sitting there and concentrating very hard on something of great import, but I'm too lazy to get us and see what it is, and my glasses are back in my room somewhere, waiting to be fixed, so I can't ever spy across the room. None of them are nitwits. Heh....they have a GPA. I can't even spell GPA.

It's time to go. Fidelio is blogging about the people in the room with her. Fidelio is speaking about herself in the third person. Fidelio is going to go home and read some more Carroll, because she enjoys the epileptic fits it seems to bring on.

I Sing of Arms...

2005-08-28T17:54:00.000-05:00

Well, the semester has been kicked off in grand style. The birthday singers sang, the Shield of Roses prayed, and the girls painted the back door of St. Benedict hall with petroleum jelly and peanunt butter during the men's mandatory meeting.

As for me, I have found my way into new and wonderful things, like political science and 1:00 AM katana practice in the basement common area. Between the guitars at 1:15 and the midnight floor meetings, the basement of Ben's is a happening nighttime place. I often wonder if it's smart to give a group of nineteen-year-old college men sharp and pointy objects and put them in a common area of a dorm. Considering that the head RA's dress code talk consisted of, "You guys need to wear clothes to class", I'm thinking not.

Still, the romance and adventure of playing eye-threatening games with long sharp objects comes naturally to the human male. It's been that way since the Iliad. I can remember at least two instances where people had eyes poked out by spears. Then again, one must consider the fact that this is a spear's primary purpose in order to make sense of the whole of Greek culture (remember Oedipus?). I don't see how people could be so ignorant of this fact of history and of life.

People often ask why others like Gladiator. Of course, by people I mean females and by others, I mean my dormmates. However, I can sympathize with their choice of weapon. My roommate owns a halberd. This type of weapon is more noble and encourages strength and courage as well as honor. The freshmen, however, tend to choose the more blunt and uncivilized "airsoft" pistol. An imitation of modern warfare, it is as barbaric as the cowardly tactics used in its employment.

An elegant weapon, for a more civilized age.

On the whole, I think that weapons are a great thing. They build character and leave scars. However, I think I'll leave their handling to the trained sophmores.

John

Delhi, India

Linkback Request

2005-08-25T15:16:00.000-05:00

I'm very tired right now. Just dropping you all a line and asking all those who have linked to us to please e-mail us at fiddleback6 @ yahoo.com and let us know so we can link back to you. I'll have to post about our first week for you soon.

John

Delhi, India

Give it the ol' college trye.

2005-08-22T12:22:00.000-05:00

Having membership in five blogs makes me look like such a wordy, verbose person. I can’t imagine that I am. It’s just that I talk to much!

Actually, two of them require very little of me, and the other three are very tolerating. However, I felt it only right that, now I’ve somewhat returned to the place which gave birth to ol’ Fiddleback, I should say some words. I’ve said approximately 125,000 since arriving on campus two days ago. Unfortunately, that doesn’t help you a bit because my spoken words are not preserved on this blog. (Well, if you want to get all dogmatic, you could argue that point as several of those clotheslines from last year are mine, but you won’t get all dogmatic so I’m leaving it at that.) Hence, I must write some number of words down, in an electronic fashion, in order for my superfluity of words to benefit you.

But I’m all out of words!! I cahn’t think of anything to say. I could say that I’m glad to be back at school, or that I’m happy to be getting reacquainted with all of my friends from last year. I could day that I’ve enjoyed the heck out of meeting the freshmen and wondering how things will be different with all of them running about the place, or that I’m tickled pink to be among the professors again and being able to talk and joke with them once more. I could say that I’m dealing simultaneously with the feeling of never having left, and the feeling that I’ve been gone since forever. This is an odd place, to be sure. There’s something outside of time, and outside of space, about it which makes me wonder. What it makes me wonder, I’ve not firmly established, but it makes me wonder it all the same. Maybe I wonder, when I leave, if it’s really real. Maybe I wonder, when I’m here, if the outside world truly exists.

This morning at Mass, Father reminded us that the ‘real’ world is really real, and Benny Sixteen is in the process of telling us what we’ve got to do about it. He (Father, reading from the Pope’s speeches) spoke about the Magi who journeyed far from their homes to seek His Truth, and related that message and mission to that of the college student who leaves behind father, mother, and free laundry service, and goes into a foreign land to see that same Truth. It also tied nicely into today’s first reading, which was about Ruth and Naomi. Father reminded us that Ruth, too, went into a foreign land, she to work and toil and pray that her future (as in, vocation) would be revealed her. Being an excellent logical, Father also applied this to the discerning college student, and I came out of the Chapel feeling that the Bible was written expressly for us. It was. I’m so happy.

Christendom Education, v. 2.0

2005-08-19T08:51:00.000-05:00

I'm back at Christendom.

I'm very happy with my room (thank you Mr. Wurtz!), and I'm excited to meet the freshmen who are arriving today. I'm pretty much unpacked, and now I have to get used to life in a "real' dorm. My sleeping habits will change, I'm sure.

Last night was spent with my roommate, Bowman the Black, and a fellow who thinks that he's the Illuminati playing Risk. I was killed off first. The Illuminati's red army dominated the borad, and sent us home crying.

Maybe philosophers don't make good rulers after all.

John

Delhi, India

Spammers on Blogger

2005-08-13T22:18:00.000-05:00

We've been hit.

My last post had a single comment: it was a politically motivated ad for car rentals in Texas.

So, just a little message for whoever posted (or will post) such a rediculous and degrading thing on my blog...

If you spam me again, I will hunt you down and scalp you.

Okay. I think that takes care of things. You can all go back to doing whatever you were doing before.

John

Delhi, India

Public Pennance

2005-08-07T20:26:00.000-05:00

*Whack!*

Thank you, sir. May I have another?

*Whack!*

That's right, I'm doing public pennance for being a bad administrator. I do have some whiny excuses, but I'll wait on those for a moment. Just let me say I'm sorry for not being around lately. And thank you to all our fans who've kept with us regardless of the depleted summer post count. I've been watching the site meter, and we're still getting 40 hits a day (largely thanks to Charlemagne and his talent to rack up double digits in comments whenever he posts).

Now, on to excuse land! My family has just had our annual summer bash, which means about 150 people descend on our house for a party until the wee hours. Also, my glasses broke, prompting me to go and get my eyes checked once again. I've also been packing for my return to Christendom (only nine days!). This included getting my own computer for use out there.

So... with the cleaning and party prep as well as returning to school, all my internet time has been used up. Also, our ISP has been... slipping lately. Anyways, there you have it. You can expect more posts when we get back to school.

Also, this is our twelfth month of posting. Thanks for a great year, everyone!

John

Delhi, India

Book Review: Ender's Game by Orson Scott Card

2005-08-02T08:58:00.000-05:00

I'm always on the lookout for good Catholic science-fiction; needless to say, my eyes are beginning to grow weak as a result of all that looking. Aside from C.S. Lewis' Space Trilogy (which fell into the fantasy realm after the first book) I had little hope of finding any good Catholic sci-fi. Then salvation came in the form of Orson Scott Card, of all things, a semi-devout Mormon!

Ender's Game takes place two-hundred years in the future, and tells the story of Andrew "Ender" Wiggin, a gifted genius-child. Ender is a "Third," the third child of his parents, and thus an outcast in a world where families by law can only have two children. Harassed by his sadistic brother Peter, ignored by his parents who are struggling to make ends meet, Ender's only friend is his sister Valentine.

A surprise visit from Colonel Graff, commandant of the intergalactic Battle School, changes Ender's life forever. In Earth's fifty year war against "the Buggers," mindless, insect-like invaders, the Intergalactic Fleet has faced off two invasions, and it seems a third one is coming. Graff believes Ender could be the only one with the ability to defeat this enemy once and for all. So begins Ender's training to save the world.

I know; pretty cut-and-dried sci-fi fare. Some of you Starship Troopers fans might be screaming plagairism. But there's really more to it than that. There are many issues dealt with in this book that a Catholic could understand better than the average reader.

When Ender arrives at Battle School, Graff makes sure to isolate him from the rest of the students, make him stand out. He does this to make Ender more of an independent thinker, to see how well he can adapt in battle. The passages describing Ender's loneliness, his desire for friends, are almost heart-wrenching. This is a look at what happens to a man when he is left adrift in the world, how he will adapt, what he is willing to do to survive and remain sane. The unbreakability of the human spirit under extreme isolation or extreme pressure is wonderfully demonstrated.

There are also many similarities with Spiderman: Ender, as a military messiah (if you'll pardon the expression) is forced to endure seperation from his friends at school, from the companionship of his beloved sister, and to give up the life he may have wanted for himself. He does this in order to save the very things which he is seperated from. He leaves the Earth he barely knows to ensure its survial, sacrificing his life to those on Earth who may not be worthy of the sacrifice. "Greater love hath no man than this, that he lay down his life for his friends." (St. John 15:13) This is part of what makes Ender such a superior sci-fi hero from the whinny, self-absorbed Paul Atreides of Dune, who saw where his destiny lay, and refused to walk the chosen path for the greater good of his kingdom.

Along with these and many other philosophical speculations, there is also Card's description of the Battle Room, where the young recruits play the "game" of the title. Card is the only author I know of who has given us a picture of how warfare might be conducted in a three-dimensional, zero-gravity environment. His descriptions of fighting in such an environment are alone worth the purchase of the book.

So if you're willing for a somewhat heady dose of Catholic sci-fi by a Mormon author, give Ender's Game a go.

Cow Dancing

2005-07-29T23:59:00.000-05:00

Yes you read right. See and listen to the Cow Dances at www.cowdance.com.

Find everyone's favorite: "Cows with Guns"
As well as others:
"Can Can Cow Dance"
"Dueling MOO MOOs Cow Dance"
"Moo Canada"
"Calling All Cows"
"Hotel California Cow Dance"
And more.

Also see Dante's lost section of the Inferno: disCow Inferno - Cow Dance

All Rights Reserved
Anyone stupid enough to pay for such a thing please send money to

R. T. Sender
134 Christendom Drive
Front Royal, VA 22630

And enjoy the site for as long as it is up.

Life of a nanny

2005-07-19T14:49:00.000-05:00

For anyone who's ever seen Mary Poppins, Bedknobs and Broomsticks, or any other movie about nannies, governesses, nurses, etc. . . . they are not accurate.

I'm not talking about having tea parties on the ceiling, flying away with umbrellas, or finding out the secret to substitutiary locomotion. Although those things have not happened to me yet, they may. I am relatively well prepared for them.

No, the problem with those movies is that they forgot to include the van. Yes, my life as a nanny has revolved around a minivan. (It does not seem mini to me, as I am more accustomed to the Honda Accord definition of "small." It feels like driving a bus.) I start the day picking up kids from swimming lessons, and I end driving kids to dive team. In between, I shuttle them to friends' houses, shopping trips, the beach, and anywhere they need to go.

Also, Mary Poppins was never observed doing a lick of housework. The family she worked for had a separate housekeeper, I guess. But I spend my non-van time doing laundry, picking up messes (or worse, trying to get the kids to), making dinner, and other delights.

Things vary from day to day. One day, I spend seven and half hours in the car in the course of getting to work, driving kids places, and running errands. The next day, I find myself paddling my feet in Lake Washington, discussing the diet and habits of ducks with a seven-year old in relative peace and quiet. The third day, I spend driving all over creation with three preteens going clothes shopping. I even had time to get myself an outfit. Day four, it rains and we're kept inside, so I spend the whole day trying to keep four kids from killing each other.

I told one of my mom's friends about my job. She said, "It sounds like you're getting to be an apprentice mom! Your work sounds like a small version of my life."

"Apprentice mom" doesn't bother me much. But the phrase "a small version" sounded very ominous.

Can I survive the "big version"? Well, I won't have to for awhile yet. But if I do, I guess I'll be glad I took the "small version" first.

St. Francis, and the Head-cold from Purgatory

2005-07-19T09:44:00.000-05:00

I have managed to catch a cold in the middle of summer.

This, I think, is good news. It means I'll probably be able to catch one in Purgatory, if necessary. Of course, I'm discounting the fact that my punishment there would be to have a clod like this. The last week has had sweltering highs in the mid- to upper-nineties. And in the middle of it, I began to cough and sneeze like it was the middle of January.

Then again, this isn't unusual for me. I tend to catch alot when I'm not expecting it. I can just imagine the pop quizes that are going to be unleashed on me this schoolyear.

Something has occured to me concerning the pop quiz. It's nature is cruel, surely. Still, it's no more cruel than the nature of pranks that most students typically play (and to be honest, that are played on teachers as often as not). This is coming from a person who's recieved the St. Francis Award, so I should know.

Now the question is this: who started it? I know that adults can't stand this question, the only exception being historians. Still, I ask it partly to annoy those who can't stand it and partly to hear those words I hear so often: "It really doesn't matter!"

So it's the chicken and the egg. I'm of the opinion that the teachers started the pop quizes in retaliation for some collosal prank that the students played on them, like moving a life-sized statue of a certain animal-loving saint into the classroom. Or hounding a professor with chalk drawings of squirrels bearing halos and wings. Or ghost-writing lecture notes for a saint once it was in the classroom. Or printing out a fake check with your laptop and "Sendering" it to him. Or any number of brilliantly distracting and grade-reducing things.

I'm looking forward to this semester. And for the record, it was providence that I never took Latin.

John

Delhi, India

Editor's Note: It may be that many of you do not understand the situations referred to by the author. This is intentional. Some extremely smart people may be able to glean a few ideas of the facts of the case, but we urge you not to read too much into it. Wild accusations of the author's involvement in any sort of strange freshman-like conduct involving large statuary and saints who preached to animals is entirely unfounded. In the least case, it is unproven.

- The Editor

This is Big! This is Huge!

2005-07-16T22:21:00.000-05:00

Something I never expected, but it has happened and more is to come. We've come so far since that September day in which the blog was started. We went international, then we topped 10,000 visitors! And this is before a year has gone by.

News Update, v. 2.0

2005-07-14T08:19:00.000-05:00

Okay, folks. It's time for more news updates.

1). Our very own Ambrose needs your prayers. He has a brain tumor, and will be going in for surgery on it soon. The good news is that it seems to be benign. The bad news is that he'll definitely be missing time with us at Christendom because of it. However, Fiat Voluntas Tua. We all hope he gets well soon. Please pray for him.

2). I have only one week left to go for my summer job. After that, I'll spend the rest of my time reading, studying and actually sleeping at night.

3). The Christendom return exodus is in gear. I'm already planning with my roommates (Charlemagne and Bowman) and I'll be offline from August 14-18 or 19. I'll be back at Christendom on the 18th for sure; I'll be in Front Royal on the 17th.

John

Delhi, India

The Passing of Time

2005-07-09T09:35:00.000-05:00

The summer is fading. I find myself with only two weeks left for my summer job. The Christendom paperwork has arrived, and things begin to get ready for the great return. I've already started to make plans with friends for fall vacations.

When this break began, it was something we were all desperately in need of. Now, the general feeling among those of us with jobs (and some without) is that of intellectual stagnation. The typical co-worker on a summer job isn't really into Aquinas, and doesn't get jokes about Aristotle or Plato's Republic.

The period of rest is nearly over. It is still nice to enjoy the summer, to be with family and to spend time with old friends. However, the student begins to be restless. It's nearly time to go once again.

During this time, my thoughts turn toward travel. I've always associated the late summer with travel, mainly because of the long road trips I've taken during this season. One of these summers I'm sure I'm going to take a couple weeks and wander through the Eastern half of our country, visiting Civil War battlefields and old churches.

And yet, this summer has a sadness to it. Finality, like a pall, hangs over my house. It's true, and I know it, that this is probably the last summer that all of our family members will be living together under this roof, as part of the same household. My older sister is slated to tutor in London next summer, my younger brother is volunteering in Chicago for the Institute of Christ the King. The younger members of our family are beginning to take on the responsibilies left behind by older ones.

There is more than change in the air. It is change, but there is more with it. It's the completion of our upbringing. It's the beginnings of 'large' responsibility. It's hard for me to realize that a third of our family will no longer be under the heading of "being brought up". Still, it's right. It belongs. It is the natural way of things.

And so the summer begins to draw to a close. A scant thirty days remain. And as I return to familiar sights, familiar faces and familiar patterns, I leave behind me a pattern that I grew up with, and one that will never return.

John

Delhi, India

London Attacked

2005-07-07T08:08:00.000-05:00

I've just learned of the attack in London. My heart and prayers go out to all Londoners and everyone in the UK.

The current reports are simply that bombs went off -- we don't even know if it was remote detonation, or suicide bombs. In fact, we don't know if it's Islamic fascist terrorists, or the IRA, or any one of another dozen groups. The money is on the former, of course, especially because of the G8 summit.

Here in the US, authorities are stepping up the watch. Currently here in DC the terror alert is the same level as for the rest of the country; normally when something like this happens the proceedure is to up us to the next level.

Details are of course still coming in. The current numbers are at least forty people dead, and over three hundred being rushed to hospitals. Regardless of who did it, or why they did it, this doesn't change the fact that someone has attacked London. We should support them, just as they supported us on 9-11. On that day, people said we were all together in this. I've no doubt we still are.

God be with them.

EDIT 9:26 AM: According to new reports, an Al-Queida group is claiming responisbility for it. The tally is now up to forty-five dead, over a thousand wounded. They seem to have attacked the subway and bus system because so many people use it in the city -- apparently even the mayor uses it. It isn't like in the States where so many people drive; now people are going to be naturally scared to use the transport system they've used all their lives.

EDIT 10:45 AM: I've just spoken with my father. He knows no more specifics than the public does at the moment; he was in the hospital for an appointment this morning. However, he is on his way downtown to the FBI, and expects to be meeting with British intelligence liaisons shortly. He also confirmed that the method used in the attack is signature Al-Queida.

While on the phone with him, a Scotland Yard spokesman confirmed separate body counts for each attack, except for the last (the bus attack) which he declined to comment on. If I heard the numbers right, he's confirmed 34 dead in the subway attacks.

Rob's Update

2005-07-04T12:33:00.000-05:00

Hello! After a long hiatus, I have decided to give you all an update. My summer has not been as exciting as I would like. I only went to the beach once. My computer crashed a few days before I came home from school. I got my 2nd Degree in the Knights of Columbus a few weeks ago. That's pretty much what's going on with me right now. I can't wait to go back to school (wait, did I just say that?). I want to see all of my friends and to meet the incomming freshmen. The college even occupies my dreams; lately, I've been dreaming that I am already back at Christendom. Anyways, expect more posts from me in the near future. Enjoy the rest your your summer.

Rob

Independence Day (v.229)

2005-07-04T04:28:00.000-05:00

Welcome to July Fourth, Anno Domini Two Thousand Five. The United States Independence Day. Birthday of our country, many call it. Personally, I prefer to reserve that for March Fourth, the anniversary of the day our current government came into effect.

Today is a day glossed over by many. It doesn’t seem like it at first, what with the fireworks and the car deals, but very rarely do people actually think about what happened today, two hundred twenty-nine years ago. Fifty-six people, respected leaders, took a stand and signed their own death warrant. A warrant now on display in the National Archives.

Today, those men are viewed as heros, champions of an inevitable cause. When they put pen to paper, however, they didn’t have the benefit of our history books. They were openly declaring themselves, not heros, but traitors. Signing that document was an act of treason, and not all of them lived to see what came of it. They had no certainty of outcome, just of cause.

They didn’t take opinion polls. They didn’t find out if a majority of colonials wanted independence. They simply saw a wrong in the world, and did what they thought was, not only best, but right and just.

War was the last thing they wanted. Independence, a sundering from their homeland and all that made them British, the second last. They tried again and again to make both Parliament and the Crown listen to them. They appealed to the people of Britain, pointing out the wrongs they were being dealt, laws and taxes that would have caused a revolution in England itself if they had been instituted there. Even after the war began, they tried peaceful settlements, to actually avoid being fully independent, but were always ignored.

The British were proud of their freedoms. Not just liberties, but freedoms -- a liberty is something you are given by a ruler, something that can be taken away. A freedom is yours by right, granted by God. These freedoms were being curtailed in the American colonies. It was not just that the taxes were hard to bear -- in fact, they were still rather mild. It was that only the Americas were being treated in this way. As time went on, even their own home rule was being removed, leaving them open to anarchy as government failed. Their rights as British citizens were in jeopardy, and England seemed on the direct road to tyranny over them.

And so, on July Fourth, Anno Domini One Thousand Seven Hundred Seventy-Six, fifty-six men put pen to paper in the name of freedom.

Americans, take note. Someone gave their life for your freedom. Cherish it, and thank the people who keep fighting for you.

Bowman the Black

News Update

2005-07-01T09:55:00.000-05:00

Sorry to have been neglecting you all! Just a quick news note before I go to bed.

1). Jennifer (Little Thalia) is no longer posting with us. She's just got too many things going on online, I think.

2). For any members of it, I have just received the Cross and Quill pass-along story. I have to have my portion done by Thursday.

3). There's not much going on with me. I haven't blogged because there's really not much worth telling you all. I work, eat, and sleep. Then it all starts again. Most of the rest of my time has been spent on the Christendom Student forum, the Commons.

Just thought I'd let you know that I check in every day, and haven't forgotten about you all.

Now I'm off. I'll probably post something in honor of the three day weekend.

John

Delhi, India

Presidential Address

2005-06-28T19:41:00.000-05:00

As I write this, President Bush just finished speaking, and the talking heads are taking over. For once, on the radio, they have someone who actually knows what he's talking about, rather than bringing in an "expert" who's been out of the loop on the subject at hand for five, ten years. Though of course, they had to start with someone who sounded like she simply liked to hear herself talk -- ABC Radio's Ann Compton, assigned to the White House. (Though normally she doesn't sound so clueless. I'll just assume it was a bad day for her.)

I think it was one of the President's better speaches. He's far from a good public speaker, but he's a lot better now than he was six years ago. I only counted three times where his tongue stumbled. Of ocurse, he's still better in public than I am. It's all I really ask, and believe me -- it's not much to ask!

I did pick up on one line he used. It was in the context of those armchair generals here at home criticizing every move the military, and Bush's job as Commander in Chief, makes in Iraq. He refered to these elements several times, using the polite term "there are those who say . . . " never naming names. He said he listens to the commanders on the ground, saying "I will continue to be guided by the advice that matters."

Considering the speeches on the floor of the Senate today, especially Senator Kerry's very long monologue (as well as the same Senator's op-ed piece in the New York Times today) the first thought that went through my head after the phrase registered was "Oooooh . . . stinging." Considering Bush's Southern courtesy, which I've heard a lot of people criticize (thinking he's TOO nice) that was like a slap in the face to his political enemies.

Bowman the Black
Right-Wing Nut Job and Amateur Woodcarver

Supreme Rules on Religion

2005-06-27T12:06:00.000-05:00

WASHINGTON, DC - The Supreme Court ruled today that it is un-Constitutional to display the Ten Commandments on government property, except when you can.

The two rulings state that a granite monument is part of cultural heritage, and does not promote any particular religion over another. However, displaying a framed copy of the Commandments in a courthouse denotes a religious endorsement.

How could the Supreme Court make such a strange, conflicting decision? A statement from Chief Justice William Rehnquist sheds some light.

"We were in the middle of deliberations when Tom Cruise called us up. He explained to us that the legal system is just a pseudo-science. We’re very grateful to him; we’d had no idea how useless our law degrees were."

When asked what the difference really was, Rehnquist simply looked at reporters and said "One’s inside, one’s outside, of course."

He went on. "It’s really ridiculous, this claim that the First Amendment was originally meant only to avoid a Church of the United States. I’ve actually heard it said that the First Amendment would allow an individual state to establish a religion. No, what the Founding Fathers really wanted, what they specifically laid out for us to follow generations later, is the recognition that religion is arbitrary, that there are no universal truths, and it is only a coincidence that the justice system they set up so closely follows Judeo-Christian law."

He also revealed that after the recess, the justices intend to rule on the pledge of allegiance, displaying images of Moses in the Supreme Court itself, providing copies of the Koran to terrorists at government expense, if a lack of religious articles denotes an endorsement of atheism, if the Constitution itself is un-Constitutional, and what the definition of "is" is.

They did not, however, indicate if they would still accept their pay in the form of bills with the word "God" on them.

When asked if he was going to announce his retirement as expected, Rehnquist replied, "Heck no! I'm not giving this job up, it's too much fun!"

- Bowman
Muscling in on the Investigator's territory. ;)

Ode to Walter....

2005-06-25T22:09:00.000-05:00

Okay, this one will be nothing like 500 words, but I've just got to tell you all.

Walter J. is my one and only hero. He rocks my world. Walter is the best thing to hit the shelves since sliced bread and microwave popcorn. He's even better than a 20-minute open book quiz on The Chronicles of Narnia. Walter is Da Man!!

Actually, all dear old wonderful terrifffffficcc Walter did was fix my classes for the fall so that I won't have to battle a veritable army of paperwork when I arrive at school in a couple months. But I still think he's just the world's greatest thing.

When I'm a sophomore...

2005-06-25T15:43:00.000-05:00

During the beginning of my freshman year, I developed a mental list: When I'm a sophomore . . .

* I will get to know the new freshmen. I remember when I first arrived, I soon discovered that the upperclassmen didn't really want to have anything to do with us newbies. We soon made friends among ourselves, but I would have really liked a better welcome from the upperclassmen, and I resolved to give one myself, when the time came. It's always easier to stick with the friends you have and the people you know, but I'd be missing out if I didn't try to meet new people too.

* I won't be cynical. It seems by the time people get to be seniors, they've fallen into a state where they say, "This is the way things are. It'll never get better. It'll probably get worse. I won't bother trying to change it." I don't want to lose the idealism I had as a freshman that said, "This is the way things should be." Yes, reality is different -- so let's change the reality, instead of forgetting the ideal.

* I'll be able to have fun without going off-campus. It seemed upperclassmen didn't want to be on campus when they didn't have to be. But I like campus and the people on it, and I want to keep being able to have fun there as well as in town.

* I'll still take every paper and test seriously. Just because I've taken a lot of them before doesn't mean I won't still put forth an effort on each one.

* I'll still come to breakfast early. I haven't forgotten the times we had discussing the Cow Pope while waiting for the door to open and admit us to the dubious bliss of biscuits and paste, I mean gravy. The sophomores laughed at us, but I wouldn't have missed a Cow Pope breakfast for the world.

The time is coming for me to pay up on those promises. And I mean to do it!

New war has started

2005-06-24T22:11:00.000-05:00

And the next war has started. The power of the "farm" has compelled the organic foods to rise up and take a stand.

http://www.storewars.org

R. T. Sender
~ Investigator

Chronicle of Our Class

2005-06-20T17:55:00.000-05:00

Let me ponder on (and relate to you) thoughts of my class, the Christendom College class of 2008.

We are an unbelievably diverse and quirky group, tossed together by that same thing that bears hundreds of different names, but in truth is only one thing: luck, fortune, Divine Providence. Such a plethora of backgrounds, tastes, talents, looks, homes and families meet and converge on a single spot in Northern Virginia.

The differences of the people in my class going to Christendom truly surprised me, but not quite so much as the similarities. I had finally found people my age with my views that held the Faith as valuable as I did. I was stunned to find that there were Catholics like me outside my own sphere.

You have to understand that I speak of my class in a qualified sense. I don’t mean everybody in it, nor do I mean all those who took classes for my first freshman semester, or those left for the second. True, most of the people I refer to are in these categories, but I mean something a little different.

In my first semester, the freshman class was large, and had many irresponsible and somewhat wild people in it. People, who (for the most part) really didn’t want to go to Christendom, were indifferent to the life and benefits of the school. A junior told me one day, “You freshmen have some really great people in your class. And you’ve got some really wild ones.” I had to admit he was right.

I don’t refer to those people. I’m sure most of them will be gone after the second year and they have their associate’s degree. I mean the people who traveled the difficult paths with me. Those who, though I don’t see eye to eye with them in everything, would still stand by me when it came down to it. The people who take the Christendom motto seriously. Instaurare Omnia in Christo. To restore all things in Christ. The ones, I’m sure, who have the best chance at fulfilling that motto. After the indifferent ones have gone, these remain.

Within this group I found so much different and in disagreement with one another, I am still surprised at how we came together. This may just be a natural phenomenon of human nature. I found distributists and capitalists, monarchists and republicans, and every shade in between. There were those who had been home schooled, those from Catholic schools and those from public schools. The strange part is that many friendships had been formed before these details were known about the other people.

What brought us together? Initially, it was laughter and good times. Fun events, such as the Cuddeback barn dance, where most of us met each other. But that’s not what kept us together. There was a combination of things that did that. Part of it was that we were all the same age on a small campus. There was a sense of security, reliance and understanding that a person had from his classmates. If you were having trouble, there was a good chance that somebody else in your class was having the same problem and could relate.

However, the good times didn’t make the bond I believe our class has; the bond I hope it keeps. Our freshman year was very much a trial by fire. It was the hard times that proved who you could rely on and who you couldn’t. Troubles plagued our class during the second semester, when most of those who weren’t serious about Christendom had left. Tuitions were going up, the pope died, the Terri Schiavo case were all factors. There were a myriad of smaller, more emotional and personal crises to deal with as well. Our class rose to the occasion. I think these times added a value to our relationship to one another that we wouldn’t have had otherwise.

Coming out of our first semester, we were like a bundle of steel rods tied together in a bundle. Coming out of the second, we had each been slightly welded together. We had become a little community of our own, still knowing our own contribution and place within the Christendom community.

I think that’s why people cried when we went home for the summer. Some of us were saying goodbye for the last time, and we knew it. This was our year of innocence and discovery, and it was coming to and end for us. Deep down, we knew things would never quite be the same.

For now, we work; each of us in his own way. I look forward to the second year, to meeting new freshmen and teaching them the things I know, and to greeting what familiar faces return with me.

My parents once told me that the friends you make in college are the friends you make for life. I thought that they were wrong or mistaken. I truly believed that my friends at home would be the weightier friendships.

And I see these friends set ready to go off to other colleges or get fulltime jobs, and start to drift away a little distance. They are still my friends, but they’re on a different path, forming in different ways, with different goals.

Maybe my parents were right.

Vita brevis...

2005-06-20T15:47:00.000-05:00

One now discovers the art of communicating with another when distance looms between. Great distance, in fact. Anywhere from 700 to 1600 miles worth of distance. It’s been odd, this first month ‘away’ from school–after a seeming lifetime rubbing elbows with these people on a daily basis, they are all now several hundred miles away. Of course, normally this distance could be chummily closed by a simple phone call, but I work 40 hours a week and the phone just doesn’t look appetizing after spending the daytime hours on and off it with nice people who want their records from Atlanta.
The solution for many of us, obviously, is to blog. This is fast, this is convenient, this saves us telling the same story five times, and there’s a sense of community. I like my blog–it’s fun. Of course, there is no great outpouring of literary genius on it every day, the effect being rather that of a family sharing gory tales of the day’s escapades at the dinner table–but it’s great all the same. Something about having everyone coming together and sharing little snippets of their daily lives helps keep us close. Friends share on the blog...I should go into marketing.
Seriously, though, folks, it’s interesting. The occasional email and blog post does no human being justice, and I’m going to be really surprised, I’ve no doubt, at how different people are in August than I remember them being in May. Phone calls, even, are beginning to make me think that orientation won’t just be fore new students to get acquainted with Christendom. We’re all going to need some time to get to know each other all over again. The joys of vacation.

Common Sense, Common Man... Uncommonly Brilliant!

2005-06-18T19:19:00.000-05:00

I just got back from the annual G.K. Chesterton Conference in St. Paul, Minnesota. The talks there were amazing, including one by Dale Ahlquist on Chesterton and true eccumenism. I ordered that one on video. The whole conference was geared toward heresies, as this is the 100th anniversary of Chesterton's book Heretics. There were many protestants there, and a lot of the speakers were converts. A good time was had by all.

While I was not in a talk, I helped at my friends' uncle's bookshop booth set up there. I also had many discussions about science, philosophy, Chesterton, The Everlasting Man, and Christendom College. A member of the Chesterton Society talked with me about The Everlasting Man and wanted me to give a talk on it at one of the upcomming conferences!

Although I don't think I'll end up doing that, I'm definitely going to go back next year. I walked away with a slew of books, including a brand new copy of Ignatius Press' Complete Works of Chesterton Volume 1. It includes both Orthodoxy and Heretics, along with The Blatchford Controversies. Other titles I got hold of include a book of Irish songs, Pat Buchanan's The Death of the West and a copy of Crime and Punishment. I also got two posters covered in Chesterton quotes, one from The Everlasting Man and the other from Heretics.

To alter a phrase coined by Meredith, it was a literary lollapalooza.

Thank you, Mr. Gilbert Keith.

John

Delhi, India

Republican Conclave

2005-06-18T16:48:00.000-05:00

Last Saturday I attended the King County Republican Convention as a delegate for the 9th Councilmannic District. Before I go an inch further, I'd better point out that I am not actually a Republican. But I knew who I wanted to support as Councilman, and he is a Republican, and therefore I came. I must also mention that our county is close to the size and population of the state of Rhode Island. Thus, this was a very important election.

It was going to be a close race. Both Republican nominees had had seats before, and since the county was redistricted, there was now only one seat for the two of them. In nearly all issues, they were exactly the same.

Reagan Dunn presented himself as the one "who can beat the Democrat." He had more money, better name recognition (his mother was an important political figure since before he was born), but less experience. He had been appointed to his seat, and never actually won an election.

On the other hand, Steve Hammon is a former minister, and had been on the council for longer. In terms of most issues, he was the same as his opponent, but unlike Dunn, he is unapologetically pro-life.

Guess who I was supporting?

So my dad and I went to the caucus a long time ago. Our precinct had three people in it. Our job was to elect six delegates. I admit no actual voting took place. We just all wrote our names and addresses down, and then went home.

I hadn't realized what a difficult and pressure-filled life awaits an official convention delegate. The upside was that I was getting real mail. The downside was that it was all the same stuff. Also, I got to talk to Reagan Dunn and explain to him why his "moral position" on abortion doesn't hold. He made two major errors with me: he mispronounced our last name, and he said that he hoped my "husband" and I would still consider supporting him. "He's my dad," I said. "Yes, really. Thanks for calling." (Not! I had been trying to watch The Great Disturbance when he called. Matters of state fall into the background in comparison.)

Finally, the day for the convention arrived. I gave up my whole Saturday morning to come. The credentialling of all the delegates took an hour and half longer than scheduled. (Ah, the efficiency of the political system!) There were just over 400 delegates for the 9th district.

Everything was done by proper parliamentary procedure. Phrases like, "I wish to present a point of order" and "For what purpose do you rise?" showed up from time to time. My favorite was, "I move that the temporary chairman be made permanent chairman." Temporary Chairman: "Are there any other nominations for permanent chair?" (Silence.) "All in favor of making the temporary chairman the permanent chairman, say aye." (A few bored ayes.) "All opposed, say nay." (Silence.) Temporary chairman: "Thank you. I appoint all the temporary officers permanent officers." (So the Sergeant at Arms gets to keep his job for another hour. Whoopee.)

While we were waiting for everyone to be credentialled, and later, as the votes were being counted, we discussed abortion with the lady next to us. She said she would rather see a hundred thousand abortions than a single three-year-old child abused by his parents. It did not seem to stand up very well against my dad's argument that if abortion is not child abuse, he'd like to know what is. The lady wasn't much convinced, but her daughter was listening, and hopefully we got through to her a little.

Then the votes were counted. The tally? Our guy won by 30 votes. For once, I really feel my vote counted.

We could have stuck around longer and gotten to hear our rightful governor, Dino Rossi, speak, but we had to get home. Dino Rossi got the election stolen from him by fraud, as I am firmly convinced. I feel like Evan MacIan, still upholding the Stuarts, but if there were a civil war in Washington, I know whom I would support.

Pro-Life Father Needs Help

2005-06-18T06:03:00.000-05:00

Recently, this story has gotten some attention, as rightly it should. I know it's been reported in The Washington Post, USA Today, and The Ottowa Citizen, but I think that's not enough.

Jason Torres, husband of Susan M. Torres, of Alexandria, VA, is keeping his wife alive through life-support and enormous medical bills. No one, not even Mr. Torres, believes she will recover. She collapsed on May 7th, due to the cancer that had reached her brain. She is brain-dead. Not the false "brain-dead" of Terri Shiavo; no mere feeding tube is keeping Susan Torres alive.

Why go to this trouble? She's pregnant.

When she collapsed, she was 17 weeks pregnant, and the doctors are trying to keep her body alive long enough to make certain the baby will live. Once the baby is certain to be able to survive outside the womb, they'll transfer him/her to an incubator.

More information, as well as updates, can be found at the website for The Susan Torres Fund, http://www.susantorresfund.org. You can donate to help the medical bills as well.

The following is from Michael Graham, a weekday talk show host and self-proclaimed Right Wing Nut Job here in DC:

"The medical bills are incredible, and our death-obsessed society would certainly support Jason's decision to let the mother and unborn child (excuse me "fetal tissue mass") die. But Jason is fighting for the cause of life and for the life of his child. I'm proud to support him in that fight."

I'm writing this because the family needs our prayers and support, but also because this isn't national news. Unfortunately, in this culture, it probably won't be.

Yield to Bishops

2005-06-16T13:39:00.000-05:00

Recently I had the amazing opportunity to attend the ordination of two bishops. One of the bishops-elect had been our pastor (Father -- now Bishop -- Joseph Tyson), and so of course I had to go, besides the fact that I might never again get a chance to see this many bishops in one place.

I was in a sour mood as I headed out, though, because I'd forgotten my lunch and a few other important things, and I was running late, and it's an hour drive. Downtown Seattle is not a fun place to have to drive. I knew I should arrive well ahead of time, but as I reached the cathedral half an hour early, I realized that wasn't enough. The whole area looked jammed, and I suspected there would be no parking for blocks.

But, since "hope springs eternal in the human breast," and so I thought I'd try the chancery parking garage anyway. As I was half in, I saw it said "Reserved Parking Only." By now there was a car blocking my escape route, and I was getting very grumpy. Time was ticking, I wouldn't get a seat, and I'd be lucky if I got to park at all. Parking rates in downtown Seattle run from $15 a day to your firstborn child's soul for an hour. I was not hopeful.

Just then, I saw a bishop emerge from the garage. I summoned forth a smile to give him, because scowling at bishops just doesn't seem right. He walked right up to my car and signalled me to roll down my window. Rather blown away, I fumbled for the switch and the window scrolled down.

"Are you looking for parking?" said the venerable bishop.

All the etiquette I had practiced "just in case I should meet a bishop" went out the open window, and I stammered, "Yes, Fath -- um," or words to that effect.

"I just released my parking spot," said His Excellency. "It's the third down from the entrance. Park in the one that says, 'Bishop Thomas.' "

I gasped and gabbled like a fish cast on shore, "Thank you Fath-um!" I declared, as he passed out of sight. Then I zoomed in, ending up taking at least four tries to park without boxing in any of the episcopal rental cars on either hand.

I rushed into the cathedral, too late of course to get a seat. But who cared about a seat? I was in our dioscesan See, surrounded by the Church Universal. At least, enough of the Church Universal was represented: at least fifteen bishops from all over, probably close to a hundred priests, and hundreds of people. Fr. Tyson had been pastor of three parishes, all of which were very poor, and composed of mostly immigrants. This meant that the attendees of the ordination made a slice of the whole world: people from Eastern Europe, Africa, Asia, the South Pacific . . . It was the next best thing to World Youth Day.

Not all the bishops are visible in this picture. Still, it was a veritable forest of miters. From what I heard, the papal nuncio wasn't actually able to come in the end. Cardinal Mahoney was there, though. So were a great many others: I wish I knew all their names and where they came from.

The Mass lasted three hours. There were many beautiful ceremonies of laying on of hands, anointing with oil, presentation of crozier, miter, ring, and the Book of the Gospels. There was also a great deal of beautiful, traditional music. It was counterbalanced, of course, with a quantity of bad music, and some stuff that was just weird, but I was happy that the good stuff was represented.

The other bishops lay hands on the bishops-elect

After the Mass, I had a good conversation about the new bishops with some Filipino ladies. They agreed with me: we can't think of someone we'd rather see as a bishop than the new Bishop Tyson. He is dedicated to preaching the true Faith, not in the least watered down, but at the same time doing it with charm and charity so that it is accepted by most. He has a wonderful gift for preaching, and a sense of humor. He knows six or seven languages. He is always willing to get to know parishioners.

If this is where the Church is headed in our area, I like it very much.

Then I went to the parking garage to get my car. I managed to get it out of its narrow spot without scratching anyone else. But on my way out, I somehow managed to block a bishop. "Darn you, Sheila!" I said to myself. "You ought to remember the first rule of ecclesial driving: Bishops have right of way!"

Doo-wah, dee-doo-wah...

2005-06-13T05:48:00.000-05:00

Well, sports fans, with only ten minutes to go before I dash off to work, I'm try and get my 500 words in, or at least part of them.

My summer has consisted in working 40 hours a week for the US Bankruptcy Court, filing documents, making copies, answering phones, and helping US Federal Investigators catch financial criminals. Its really a cool job, but draining. Y'all would be so proud of me- actually doing work and being a responsible person! I've also found time for going to Atlanta for a weekend, going on a 14 mile bike ride with my mother and little sister, going to Alabama for a weekend, and telling mean stories about a certain Canadian I miss so very much. (I tell mean stories about Pennsylvanians and Washintonians and Georgians and Oklahomists, too, just so you know.) Its been a busy summer.

My great and glorious project of the summer has been to join the Summer Chorale of [undisclosed location] and sing my little heart our every Tuesday and Thursday until July 15th, at which point we give a concert. Its so great! I really needed something else to fill my weeks, of course, but I'm enjoying the heck out of singing again. We're doing a very odd Mass by Vierne, and a very odd Cantique by Faure, and three beautiful pieces by Handel, and some other good stuff. All sacred, all lovely, and all stinkin' hard! I'm up for a challenge, though, and am determined to introduce some of this repertoire to Christendom. I mean, how much Byrd can any single student body stand?

Wordsmanship

2005-06-11T22:21:00.000-05:00

Caution: THIS MIGHT NOT WORK AT CHRISTENDOM

After years of hacking through written reports at the U. S. Public Health Service, Philip Broughton hit upon a sure-fire method for sounding smart without really knowing what you are talking about. Called the Systematic Buzz Phrase Projector, Broughton’s system employs 30 carefully chosen “buzzwords”
Column 1 ------------ Column 2 ------------ Column 3
0. Integrated -------- 0. Management ------ 0. Options
1. Total -------------- 1. Organizational ----- 1. Flexibility
2. Systematized ------ 2. Monitored --------- 2. Capability
3. Parallel ------------ 3. Reciprocal --------- 3. Mobility
4. Functional -------- 4. Digital -------------- 4. Programming
5. Responsive ------- 5. Logistical ----------- 5. Concept
6. Optional ---------- 6. Transitional -------- 6. Time-phase
7. Synchronized ----- 7. Incremental -------- 7. Projection
8. Compatible ------- 8. Third-generation --- 8. Hardware
9. Balanced ---------- 9. Policy -------------- 9. Contingency
The procedure is simple. Think of any three-digit number, then select the corresponding buzzword from each column. For instance, number 257 produces “systematized logistical projection,” a phrase that can be dropped into virtually any report with that ring of decisive, knowledgeable authority. “No one will have the remotest idea of what you’re talking about,” says Broughton, “but the important thing is that their not about to admit it.”

R. T. Sender
~ Investigator

My Library Was Kingdom Large Enough

2005-06-09T12:10:00.000-05:00

Here it goes.

Books I'm currently reading: Aside from The Once and Future King, I'm also reading Citizen of Rome by Frederick Wilhelmsen, and Mustard Seeds by L. Brent Bozell. Both men were editors of Triumph magazine in the 60s and 70s, and laid the seeds for Christendom College. Their essays serve as a compass for those who would seek to Instuare Omnia in Christo.

Book I recently bought: Byzantium by Stephen Lawhead. A novel about St. Aidan, an Irish monk who was chosen as part of a team assigned to present the Book of Kells to the Byzantine Emperor. Along the way he gets captured by Vikings, involved in the court intrigue of Baghdad and Constantinople, loses his faith, regains it, and becomes a man in the process. Fascinating!

Books That Have Meant A Lot To Me:

1. The Lord of the Rings by J.R.R. Tolkien- What more needs to be said that hasn't already been said. Tolkien provides not only a fine piece of apocalyptic and creative literature, but also a defense of the values of Western Civilization, Catholic Social Teaching, and the ideal form of government as expounded by Dante. Arise, Men of the West!

2. The Once and Future King by T.H. White- A very human look at the Arthurian legend, with an in-depth analysis of Arthur's plan for "Might for Right," Merlyn's educational methods, and Lancelot's interior struggles. A heart-wrenching book which will make one appreciate being human.

3. Triumph by H.W. Crocker, III- Finally, Catholic history as it was meant to be. Not only do we contain the key to the gates of Heaven, but we also built, guided, and protected Western Civilization for 1200 years! Read this book, and the idea of ecumenism will forever seem strange to you!

4. The Space Trilogy by C.S. Lewis- A most unusual look at science fiction, and by the far the most superior. The adventures of Elwin Ransom as he fights to protect Mars, Venus, and finally Earth from the armies of darkness. I won't say more, since that might ruin it for you all. Read on.

5. The Everlasting Man by G.K. Chesterton- A Catholic historian cannot consider himself to be such without this on his desk. I can't say anything about this book- Chesterton says it all.

There you have it. A brief look into my library. Tags? I think not.

Adieu.

Forum for Christendom Students

2005-06-06T20:09:00.000-05:00

At the poking of a certain baggage boy, I've gone through with what was once an idle thought. I've created The Christendom Commons, a free and private forum only for Christendom students. This includes ex-students (though no teachers or staff!), but in order to keep this free of unwanted intrusion, I have to check your name against the 2004 Dogbook or you have to have someone on that list vouch for you.

Strict? Highly. But the last time I opened something up simply to keep from having to approve memberships, someone from the Church of Ireland came in and wanted us all to switch to the Book of Common Prayer.

The forum is intended to be a place where you can go on and just talk to other students. To some extent, it's a free speech forum. You still have to obey all rules of Christendom, except where actually stated otherwise. Disruptive behavior is, of course, prohibited, regardless of Christendom rules. It's vague, but we go by the motto of the Guild of the Cross and the Quill: "Keep it organic." :P

As of this moment there is a grand total of three members, including me. It's not exactly hopping yet. If you'd like to join, send me an email (preferably with the subject line "Re: Christendom Commons" so that my spam filter doesn't chew you up and never spit you out). Give me your name (John or Jane Doe) and a login name (jdoe). Your login name isn't the same as your screen name; that can be changed in your profile. The list name is your actual ID. You'll get an email with a randomly generated password (also changeable, of course) and your login name.

The address for the Commons is http://thecommons.proboards41.com/. Of course, you can't see any more than that first page unless you have a membership, but I suppose you can see the horrible color scheme I managed to drag together. If that's what you're interested in.

Eurobonics

2005-06-06T08:47:00.000-05:00

The European Commission has just announced an
agreement whereby English will be the official
language of the European Union rather than German,
which was the other possibility.

As part of the negotiations, Her Majesty’s Government
conceded that English spelling had some room for
improvement and has accepted a 5-year phase-in plan
that would become known as ‘Euro-English’.

In the first year, ‘s’ will replace the soft ‘c’. Sertainly, this
will make the sivil servants jump with joy. The hard ‘c’ will
be dropped in favor of ‘k’. This should klear up konfusion,
and keyboards kan have one less letter.

There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the second year
when the troublesome ‘ph’ will be replaced with ‘f’. This will
make words like fotograf 20% shorter.

In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan
be expekted to reach the stage where more konplikated
changes are possible. Governments will enkourage the
removal of double letters which have always ben a deterent
to akurate speling. Also, al wil agree that the horibl mes of
the silent ‘e’ in the languag is disgrasful and it should go away.

By the 4th year peopl wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing
‘th’ with ‘z’ and ‘w’ wiz ‘v’. During ze fifz yer, ze unesesary ‘o’
kan be droped from vords kontaining ‘ou’ and after ze fifz yer,
ve vil hav a reil sensibl riten styl. Zer vil be no mor trubl or
difikultis and evrivon vil find it ezi tu understand ech oza.
Ze drem of a united Urop vil finali kum tru.

Zen ve vil rul ze vorld!!

R. T. Sender
~ Investigator

Book meme

2005-06-03T20:14:00.000-05:00

Whatever this thing is that keeps going round and round the blogger track like a big train . . . I've been hit by it. In fact, the "White Phantom" says I've been tagged twice, but I don't remember getting run over before.

Anyway, I'm quite happy to be smashed by a large book-meme locomotive. If there's one thing I like to talk about, it's books.

Total Number of Books I've Owned -- Not sure . . . somewhere between 75 and 100, I guess, if you don't count schoolbooks. I'm very frugal, so I love the library. Also I love to steal my brother's books.

Last Book I Bought -- I'll Love You Forever, for my little brothers. I think every child needs a copy of that picture book. I loved it when I was little.

Last Book I Read -- Not counting the "light reading" I browsed through on my grandma's shelves, the last real book I've read is Brideshead Revisited. It was really good. I expected a Catholic work that might be hard to read. But I was surprised, because it didn't strike me as obviously Catholic from the beginning, and it was easy enough to read. I think it took me about one or two days. I began it on a long car ride on Saturday and by Sunday I was sitting back and sighing. The ending, although sad in a way, was really a triumph -- a heroic ending like Roland or Beowulf dying. Even though there's a sacrifice, you know it was worth it and you're glad they did it. Modern books don't give us much of that.

Five Books That Have Meant A Lot To Me --

(I'm skipping the Bible, the Catechism, and so forth. Too obvious.)

1. The Lord of the Rings, by J.R.R. Tolkien. What else can I say? It's epic. I'm including the Silmarillion and the Hobbit in this, because I don't want to give Tolkien three spaces and leave Chesterton with only two. But I really think this heads the list. It has everything I love in a book -- and good poetry too. The first time I "read" the whole book, my brother read aloud at least half of it to get me going. Now everytime I read the Tom Bombadil stuff, I hear it in a deep, even voice, "Hey Tom Bombadil, Tom Bombadillo!"

Oh dear, now I miss my brother. I didn't mean to do that.

2. The Ball and the Cross, by G.K Chesterton. It's had an enormous influence on the things I write. It wasn't the first book of his that I read, but I think it's my favorite. It got me really thinking Chesterton's way. Chesterton has a very great heart. And Evan McIan is my hero.

3. Snow White and Rose Red: A Modern Fairy Tale, by Regina Doman. This book introduced me to Chesterton, and that alone makes it worth the dozen or so times I've read it. Besides, it is one of the few books about normal, modern, Catholic people, and so it gives a great model for how to live these days.

4. Hamlet. Everyone who knows me knows I'm crazy about this. I'm not sure if it's the development of the characters or the beauty of the language that I like best. Either way, it's a beautiful play. I get very peeved with movie adaptations that mess with its meaning or mar its beauty.

5. Grimms' Tales, I guess. I read them lots of times when I was little, and they've formed the expectations I have of the world. I don't expect the world to be a Judy Blume or Beverly Cleary world. I've always believed it to be a fairy-tale world. I don't think I can ever be convinced otherwise.

Tag Five People --

Ai, is there anyone else who still remains untagged? Hm, who's new on the scene lately?
i). Rob, I'm tagging you, because you haven't blogged in ages.
ii). Have you been tagged yet, Charlemagne? If not, consider yourself tagged.
iii). Peachy, of 8 O'Clock Chaplet. I just read some of your posts, and if I had more internet time I would be keeping up with your posting even more. It's very good.
iv). Ibid, of Same as Above. (Ibid, of ibid., sounds a little weird.)
v). Captain Oblivious, of ibid.